First day of work!

I am currently working as a admin assistant and will be working all the way to 18 October. 🙂

Apparently i got the job through the only interview that i went for last Thursday. This company accepted me the earliest and i got in. Actually i was a bit afraid of getting chosen because of the challenging roles i have to take. But i was telling God after the afternoon after that interview that if it is in His plan for me then so be it. I heard from my agent that they chosen 2 out of the 6 that he send in, so i guess he really heard my prayer, haha.

So today is my first day at work and i am introduced to the people i am working with and i observed mostly on how my senior worked. I am really worried, after all my senior is going to leave tomorrow and from Monday onwards, i will have to do everything. But it is kind of expected that i will think like this because i am totally new to everything. But I believe that i can do it 🙂

I have also decided that i will buy chocolates and eat more of my favourite food to motivate myself 🙂
Haha, self motivation. Especially when i have a tendency to overthink and become pessimistic.

I am here to tell myself that i can do it, with my own efforts and with God’s grace.
I can and i am thankful.

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Great start to the holidays!

2 months of holidays have started officially last thursday! Yay!

On Sunday, i visited USS with my poly friends and it was extremely fun! It was my first time taking a rollercoaster, i took the mummy ride. And well its just …. for me, i closed my eyes majority of the ride and i did not scream because i told myself not to. But i can still feel the aftereffects of it. Lol. Took the other rides too and watched the 4D Shrek movie. For that whole duration when i was in USS, i really feel like a kid all over again and i so wanna go back there again 🙂

Here are some photos that i have stolen from Jiayi from Facebook 🙂

So what are my current plans hmmm……

I am planning to look for a job. To be honest ever i have not worked during holidays ever since end of sec 4, so i guess i need to. After all i am graduating soon, and i am turning into a adult already. Some things have to happen, what more i am the eldest. Time to be independent!
I am hoping to get a job in this week and start working next week.

And that is all, goodbye!

Words either make you or break you, let it make you.

Tomorrow is my last paper for year 3 Sem 1 and i will be finally embracing my long awaited holidays. 

It has been a year since i have a one month plus holiday. Oh the excitement of embracing freedom, the fact that i can do nothing and not feel guilty about it. I am aiming to spend my holidays relaxing, playing sports, meeting friends and reading. Work? Yes i do want money but i dont feel like working. After all i am graduating in another 8 months and i have my entire lifetime ahead of me to do it, so let just hold it off for the moment 🙂
Quotes again:
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ― Jim Morrison
“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.” ― Jon Krakauer
“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” ― Anthony Robbins
 “Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.” ― Osho

My wish for Singapore

I really felt a strong urge to post this especially after watching yesterday National day’s rally.

Yesterday i really payed close attention to the Prime Minister’s speech mainly because i am really concerned for Singapore’s future and also because i am going to be a working adult soon. Seeing the unrest in other countries in the middle east, i am really grateful that we have a stable government with wise leaders.

The changes that the Prime Minister have made to the policies are really wonderful. Especially the changes to the scoring system of PSLE and creating more pathways for secondary school students. It drives home the core values and push away the exaggerated emphasis on the importance of grades. Hearing how people have taken leave just to assist their child in sitting through PSLE which is a primary 6 examination really annoys me. Personally in my opinion, PSLE does not determine a child’s future, i think O-levels have a much greater impact. After PSLE, everybody have to go on to secondary school regardless of their results but O levels will either push you out of school, or go to a poly/ JC and you have to really think about what path you have to think because its gonna influence your future career.  But i believe what matters most in education for a child is to develop the child’s fullest potential and give him/her the encouragement and resources to pursue his/her dreams.

This competitive and narrow mindset have to change. There are opportunities for all, it is a matter of perspective. Recently i read from a magazine that working adults in Singapore are really stressed everyday and that 66% of them preferred a meaningless job that pays well rather than taking on a low paying but meaningful job. Most of them after working all prefers to spend their remaining time sleeping. Reading this article disheartens me. What is the point of having a physically beautiful country but the people are too stressed to even appreciate it. What about having a gracious and loving culture? Everybody all wants to go and sleep after working, i do not think they will want to go the extra mile in helping others.

So what are we gonna do about this? I think it all starts from making changes to the workplace environment. (Haha suddenly thought about HR and WHP) Yes, making positive changes to the workplace environment, maximizing productivity with a more flexible environment. Having an environment which encourages more participating and less authoritative commanding, where team unity matters more than profit making. ( Yes i am crazily supporting team unity) After all team unity leads to enhanced productivity and then to making more profits 🙂 Making changes to the physical work environment, adding more vibrant colors to the plain grey walls of the office. it make people feel more relax when working.  Step by step changes like this can make a huge difference to the country as a whole in the long run. People are more willing to help others when they have enough love to give from their own.

But then again it is easy to say but not easy to implement. After all the decision lies in the companies themselves. The government cannot force them anyway :/ But they can encourage 🙂 More workplace friendly policies? Haha. But still i am in full support behind them.

I really admire PM Lee for his vision, it is not easy to think out of a 20 year future plan for a country. Even i myself have a bit/ no idea on what i am going to do a year from now, what more 20 years. Thank God for wise leaders.

My wish for Singapore is for a

A united and caring society where we treat everybody as one regardless of our background and nationality

A country where people can reach their dreams

A country that excels not only academically and economically but in the arts and music as well

A country whose people are proud of wherever we may go

A country that truly makes anybody feels like home

Inspiring words

Life becomes more beautiful when you fill your thoughts with encouraging and beautiful words. This is something that i am going to hold on to for my entire life. Having a attitude of thankfulness can change the entire life perspective. It makes you feel younger, stronger and your happiness influences the people around you.

There are many things i wish to do in this lifetime, and i really hope i can fulfill all by God’s grace.
1. Learn to play the guitar and piano
2. Swim regularly and take up another sport
3. Be a good cook
4. Be better at bowling ( i like this sport)
5. Learning a new language
6. Visiting other countries, especially those that have beautiful landscapes
7. Having my own dream house
8. Helping others be it financially or emotionally

This is what i can think of at the moment. Yes, i want my life to be meaningful.

Anyway back to my main title, here are some quotes i found from tumblr.

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
The Invitation By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

“Compassion is a beautiful thing. Like mold on a rock, it can stick and spread to others.”
Emil Reyes

In quietness that when you find strength

Examinations are approaching in this coming week. I have been studying and getting annoyed that I seems to be able to not remember any information that went in. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I had not have a long break for more than a year and I’m mentally tired. 

This afternoon I went up to Facebook and there is a pop up saying I have a new message from God. It’s actually a Christian group that created this and send encouraging messages to anybody who follow it. I find it so wonderful that the creators even have this idea. Those messages really encourage me each time I read it and sometimes I really feel it is from God. 
And so today message was: it’s okay to play. And so I decided to take a break. And when I went back to studying a few hours later, the info really went in 🙂 really am happy over simple things like this. 
I have less than a year before I graduate. People around me have been asking recently what are my future plans. I have been worrying about that too. After all I always wanted to do social work, I feel that God has called me to do a job to help people. But it seems weird that I jump straight into it after getting a business diploma. 
My friends advise me to get a business degree first and then work in a non profit business as a hr executive or after getting the degree, work straight as a social worker. I find both choices great but I still have this uneasy feeling. Maybe I think too much? After all whatever decision I make does have a huge impact on my future. 
I have been praying, impatiently wanting God to give me a definite sign on what I’m supposed to do. Obviously I have no answer as of now. But I just feel peaceful,  kind of feeling that everything will work out somehow even though my gpa sucks. 
In quietness I find strength, this is what God wants me to learn. I always worry over everything and its draining me. I have to learn how not to taking everything under my control and have to leave it to God. 
Really it’s difficult handling everything by myself. Especially when some things are beyond my control. And I thank God that He is there and I can just kind of throw everything to Him. I always believe that things will turn out fine somehow. 
To Do what is right, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God. That is enough. 🙂

Tumblr

“Being raised in an unstable household makes you understand that the world doesn’t exist to accommodate you, which… is something a lot of people struggle to understand well into their adulthood. It makes you realize how quickly a situation can shift, how danger really is everywhere. But crises when the occur, do not catch you off guard; you have never believed you lived under a shelter of some essential benevolence. And an unstable childhood makes you appreciate calmness and not crave excitement.”
Curtis Sittenfeld

Sometimes

I always mentally torture myself sometimes.

When i accidentally hurt people that i loved, when there are conflicts. This is my weak spot. I am not good at going through conflicts. While the others are going through life normally and treat it as a area to come back to it later, the problem instead lingers over my entire mind. Although i know that it is not a big deal actually, but the thought haunts me and i seek for closure immediately. I rather i fight it out ‘disastrously’ than having a cold war. 
Today my aunt and cousins from Germany came over to visit my house. They are staying in Singapore for a month. My aunt asked how did i become so skinny. I replied saying that i have no idea because i eat three proper meals a day. But when i think more deeply about it, i know that the underlying cause of it is stress. Stress especially when dealing with people.
I will keep thinking and thinking of all the whats if. I want to approach the other party but i am afraid of backlash. And the cycle repeats till the conflict is solved. Sometimes i even feel like dying because of the mental torture. I try to release it to God. But to me, if i cant take action myself, it is also useless. 
So if there is such a thing from dying from overthinking, yes i am a potential candidate.
Definitely the conflicts are actually not as bad as what i imagined it to be. It is just my own inner demon that i have to fight with within myself. It is terrible because i will be super lethargic, hands and feet will turn cold and i don’t feel like talking at all. 
Why am i being so honest here? Of course people who hates me and read this post may use it to their own advantage. But even if they do, they won’t necessarily gain. Because i have decided to face it and fight it. By putting this post up here openly, i am going to overcome this. 
In the past i used to tell myself that it is normal, after all part of my nature is that i analyse things too much and yup this comes along with it. But no, its killing me emotionally. Of course not many people know that i am facing this. 
To help others, i must help myself first.