Bein immature

I just recently found out that i am not that mature…FOUND OUT?? Well in the first place i am not….and its a good and a bad thing. Immature as in behaving like a child…when by now i should not be… like running and jumping  around in my house…even though its silly..but it brings me joy. Sometimes i also throw tantrums…yeah that is not a good thing.

But overall what i found out is that when i am a child…i will experience more joy than sadnesss…but when i become a adult…it would be the opposite…why? Knowledge is one of those reasons…as everyone would know this phrase: Life is not a bed of roses.

This fact sounds so demoralising ..and its happening. Adults would always say things like how i wish i still be in school…and more. While I on the other hand, want to get started on working. Yeah..its pretty weird..Just think positive…

Gotten back my report book..very satisifed with my results. What was even more surprising was the fact that i gotten 4th in class and 17th in whole level. This was something unexpected….but i could only say it is a reward of my hard work. I am happy and definitely all glory goes to God.

This coming June holidays is especially a eventful one…..first time…and i am ready!



I had been busy with the Colours Of Loyang Concert which takes place every year and every performing group got to perform. Yesterday was the first full dress rehearsel(spelled wrongly) where i had to put on make-up and my SYF costume. Very tiring although we had plenty of time to rest while waiting in the holding room..i just want to go home..

Reached home at about 7.45pm..spent more than 12 hours in school. Next tuesday…the same thing would happen again but end even later….about 8.15pm..hopefully…my dad will be fetching me.

I am now given more freedom as i had passed all subjects. Study hours lessened to 4 hours a day. But i wont be resting that much yet as i had to complete an maths assessment…otherwise i had to say goodbye to my phone…Sometimes i just feel like giving it back my phone..if  a phone can give me so much problems…y not just give it back? But the thought of how much effort i took to have this phone back is stopping me from thinking this way. Right now i am split into two sides…..

Church Camp is coming..i am looking forward to it. Its the second time i went overseas without my family. I had not been going for church camps since 2006 as my dad decided not to…and his reasons………sounds not like one..but excuses…. But now that i am a teenager….i think he can let me go even without anyone….


It has been a few days after that last post. I vented out my frustrations at the last post as i was really too stressed up and i will try not to get too stressed up often.

I am very satisfied with my SA1, this is the first time when i can say this…im happy. But  i got to buck up on my pure history. Here are my results

English paper 1: 37/60 Paper 2: 31/50 Oral: 32/40

TOTAL: 65/100

Chinese paper 1: 41/70 Paper 2: 36.5/70 Oral:33/40 Listening comphre: 14/20 TOTAL: 62.5/100

Maths: 59/80

POA: 88.5/100

Science: A1

Combined Humams: B3

Pure history: 27/50

I pass all sunjects! And i am most satisfied with science and maths….hehe

All glory goes to God


Feeling slightly annoyed now…..i cant completely relax after exams! I still have two assessment books to be done in june and by the end of the year respectively…My handphone would be gone if i didnt finish the june one….so stressing..

I really wonder why must parents place so much emphasis on education..yes i know all the common reasons..good life and future but they sometimes forget something allong the way. The purpose of exams… is to test how much the student has learned..but now it seems not to be. They also forget how to love their child like they once used to. They treat accordingly to how the child performs. If well…definitely good..if not good…get scolding and punishment but NO ENCOURAGEMENT. Is this the way to go? I am treated like that.. sorry to say but its true.

Now its up to my own will whether i would think positive or negative. In order to survive ..positive is the only way. I tell myself that results come from me and God alone..not my family. They only provided me in terms of financial needs..other than that nothing. all my encouragement come from reading the Bible. I really do not know what to say if i were to make a thank-you speech. But my proable answer would be: Thank you for providing me all the challenges that made me more independant.

I received some of my results which made me very happy. My maths passed, my physics paper2 passed and i Gotten an A1 for my biology paper 4. More would be coming this week..hopefully i could pass all subjects


Mas Selamat was finally caught last month after escaping from jail for a year. When the news was officially announced today, i was surprised. Who would had expected him to be caught? I remembered when the news of his escape was announced last year, i was shocked as i always believe that the security system was excellent. And yet this type of things could happen. But now that he was found…thank God.

I got this unexpected burden in my heart recently. This burden concerns a friend of mine. This friend and i used to be really good friends. But thanks to some deep misunderstandings, our friendship was reduced to such a state. I did not really care anymore for this type of things take a really long time to solve. I thought as long as i am not an enemy and neither is she, then i would continue on with my life. But i got this problem, i cannot forget people. Past happy memories filled my mind whenever i see her. I told myself there is no point but it remains. Maybe i should learn how to let will take a period of time..

Yes, i am a serious person especially in relationships. I wont forget memories of the people whom i come across. It may be a good and bad thing. Bad thing if i remember people whom i had bad impressions of. I will change my thinking later on. Mother’s Day is coming, the day where i feel quite gulity..why? For not giving anything to my stepmum. I dont know what i could i give to her. All i think of is to just behave myself. Material things wont last forever but relationship does. I dont care what others think, they may call me selfish or stingy. I am not. I told myself that when i become an adult, i would treat her to a meal. Its the same to my mum, as long as i dont give her any worries.

No matter what happens…i will still love them..i do love my stepmum if you wanna know…it just so happens


I just practised the value of patience by waiting for half an hour just so that my stepmum would let  me use computer. Actually i asked her at 9pm..but she scolded me for disturbing. So i waited near her sliently for half an hour. I dont dare to look at the time cause it would piss me off. In the end she finally relented and scolded me for using computer doing the examination period. To be frank i almost screamed at her but i kept my cool. For the sake of everyone and myself.

Today was my maths examination. The paper was easy generally…i better pass.

Just the past couple of days, i found back something precious which is my primary 2 class photo! yes its precious to me…i dont forget people easily. As i looked at the photo, happy memories come rushing back into my brain…i dont think i will ever forget…

I for no particular reason, kept reflecting and thinking about a lot of things. ONe of it was the question that my history teacher posed to me. Is love important or money? At that time i said money,but now i kind of regret it. My brain say money but my heart says love. I always follow my heart. i would rather be poor but have a loving family rather than being rich and lonely.

My anger has subsided..finally. When i say i follow  my heart, i didnt mean that i would seek revenge if i am angry. I wont as i know how bitter revenge is and i suffered it before. But of course that didnt mean that others could take advantage of me. If its stretched too much, i would speak up.

6 more papers to go …..i am going to give my best and prove to my stepmum especially that i am not that lazy! Through he so-called righteous observations…she think i am…..NO WAY!

Funny Poem

How School Works

© By Steven J. Engelhardt

Today is Monday,
You’re off to that dreaded place,
5 days a week you spend here,
You’ll never escape!

You have your books,
You have your brain,
When the day is through,
It’ll be in a lot of pain,
And you have your friends,
Some good and some great,
But talk to them too much and you’ll be late.

Keep your grades up though and watch with care,
Someday you’ll look at colleges and say I want to go there,
So with your head full of knowledge and shoes full of feet,
If you let it, school can help you accomplish any feat!

Well………….let me find another one…i often like to find this type of poems, it lightens my mood


Should you always say what you feel
Think, is the person you’re telling going to be able to heal

Is what you’re saying necessary for everyone else to know
Just because you’re thinking something, maybe you should just let it go

Everyone else around you may not be as strong
Some things need to be kept hidden and you should move along

You don’t know where that person has come from or where he’s going to go
What kind of day he’s had, you just don’t know

Before you blurt out everything you feel
Think, is the person listening going to be able to heal?

Basically think before you act. Got to see the big picture…which was hard as this world is so corrupted. You made a mistake, just one, people gonna judge you for that. Hard to live a life of intergity…being honest. But its possible. This poem makes me reflect a lot….

Tomorrow is my english and chinese paper 2 exam. To all the people i know who are also having examinations…may God bless you!