Significant dates on my christian journey

2006: The year when i first accepted Jesus Christ as my savior

2008: The year when i fell into a deep depression but walked out of it thanks to God’s grace
December 24, 2011: Baptism! Something that i had been avoiding because i am shy and insecure but i did it!
July 28, 2012: Officially become a member of Agape Community Church. I had been in this church since end 2004
God has been with me every step of the journey. Although i do apologize to Him for being slow in certain areas, like baptism, i get to know his Word more and more. I understand more and more because of his leading. And it helped me to redefine what my real priorities are, become more confident and knowing what i should be doing.
I still am lacking in many areas. Like getting impatient and annoyed easily. Sometimes in the midst of wanting to persuade others, i forget to be nice. Things like this that wanna  makes me just give up trying to be better. I am glad that He is right by my side, forgiving me and help me to know that i do not need to prove myself to be better then others.
Amen!

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Bad at conflicts or unhappy times

Nobody likes conflicts or unhappy moments but it is bound to come because everyone is imperfect. Through these experiences, we can only get stronger in learning how to handle it but not how to stop the bad feelings inside.

I personally do not like conflicts or people to be unhappy because of me and it’s much more worse if I do not know why they are unhappy with me. At such moments, I will not confront but just quietly disappear. I hate confrontations, just caused my heart to break once again.

Not saying that confrontations are forever bad but I am bad at it. I cannot phrase my words out carefully and people will end up not understanding at all. Sometimes I even cry because there is this frustration that I could not express.

I take it as a cue to leave if I feel and see that I am not included. And particularly if I know that I am a hindrance. Definitely it’s not easy making this decision. But if both sides gain, I will do it. I know that there are things that people are unhappy with and it’s gonna take a big upheaval if I were to change.

Today towards the end of my shift , I screwed up certain stuff and I feel deeply guilty . It gonna cause inconvenience to the morning shift people tmr 😦 heh that why I hate myself at times like this.

I do not aim to please people but I do aim to make sure that I am doing my part well so people will not get hold up because of me.

I do feel insecure at times. That is why I cannot thrive in a environment where there no trust but lots of expectations. I think everybody else also do not like to be in this too.

I thank God that there is a day and night . So that tomorrow will be a brand new day:)

How to save your heart

Should: Never expect
             Never assume
             Never demand

Know: your limits
            where to stand
            your role

Don’t: get affected
          get jealous
          get paranoid

Just go with the flow and stay happy.

Ultimately the Golden Rule: Do to others what you want others to do unto you

Stay alive !

Everyone around me seems to be tired nowadays due to their own problems and the air is heavy. Subconsciously even i also got affected by it and get sad with my own problems too when i think about it.

To be honest, my problems especially with matters of the heart is mostly between me and God. I do not tell anyone else because they are already filled with problems of their own or i think they may not understand me truly or just simply i do not want to share. i do  not want to sound like a whiny person although i do complain. But my complaints are mostly minor and short-lived. 
It is not really possible that i can get by just having God to know only. Sometimes when a big challenge occurs, i really feel like breaking down. And so i focus on other things, focus on everything else except the problem. Not that i am running away but i try not to let it affect my life too much. 
God may not be physically there but he is with me in spirit. There are many cases where i have seen His helping hand in my situations. Even if the situation seems critical, i will still emerge okay in the end. Christian songs brings me renewed strength and hope. Plus i have people who do cares for me, through small little gestures. It is enough to make my day worthwhile. 
Point of grace consists of a group of lady singers whose songs are inspirational. Check this out!
Something so good is very uplifting.
You’ll  never walk alone is a touching encouraging song.
I also enjoy songs from Hillsong  like:
Worthy is the lamb
And many more….
Its not a matter of how may years i live but a matter of how i make each moment a beautiful one. 
All in all everything is a work in progress. 
Faith and Trust are my closest companions.
I will depend on God to finish the task and not people.
Because often then not, expectations of people should not be there as people are not things.

Too many blogs!

I just noticed that i got too many blogs.
The simple reason is because i kept my innermost thoughts and i find it vulnerable to share them out.
So i have one public one and a private one.
But then i feel that i am not really being honest if i do not show it.

And so i am going to reveal them, for once only. All these thoughts existed in the past and so please do not be too offended by it. Its me at that juncture, that moment in time what i am really feeling. Do not judge me by my past feelings, but rather see how i am doing from now on.

I will try my best to be as honest as possible. But do not expect me to reveal everything especially when i am feeling unhappy, furious or what. Because i will be saying things i should not say =.=

Here it goes:
2008 : http://fuunylala.livejournal.com
2009-2012: http://heyofungo.wordpress.com
2012: http://mirrorofmyself.wordpress.com
And this blog…

Being genuine is what i truly aim, yes i might be exposing my weakness to people but that how i can really grow. Its a firm foundation. I thank God for being there all this time.

To win or to gain?

Now I am in my second year in nanyang polytechnic doing business management with specialisation in human resource. Currently under some TEP programme for this semester.

I am still contemplating furthering my studies in human resource in the future because my passion for it is not that strong as compared to working in non profit organisations. Human resource was a financial incentive for me actually .

But first things first, would I meet the GPA to get into university? For now not at all, I am underneath. I am hoping that this TEP will help to improve my GPA but I think it will maintain it instead.

That the most frustrating things for students studying in Singapore. Grades predetermine the future, not principles. From young, I heard people saying of you screw up PSLE, you will not get into a good secondary school, not get into a good junior college and not get into a good course in university. This is not a fact, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

Why is it so? Screwing up in one major examination does not mean u will screw up any future ones. If you based your future on that myth, you are subjecting yourself to that. You will not have control on your own grades when you actually have. As long as you give your best shot and seek help, you can change your circumstances.

Due to this myth, a strong competitive value is instilled in the student since primary school. To win or to get nothing. And majority of the students become more selfish and less willing to share notes with one another except good friends. So it become a matter of if you do not bring me any benefits, do not expect me to give you one either.

And this continue on to manifest even more when the student goes on to secondary school, junior college and university. When he starts working in society, he also continue since everyone is doing it. It results in a atmosphere of distrust, not harmony.
The only incentive to work is financial gains and he gets more and more dissatisfied. Why? Because money cannot satisfy a person’s heart. Money will subconsciously expand the person’s cravings and become more greedy.

What type of mentality is this called? The scarcity mentality where if you do not become the best, you will not get the best stuff. It’s potentially harmful to a society and it kills the potential for further improvements because everyone is so selfishly working for their benefits and not for the society as a whole.

The opposite of that is the abundance mentality where as long as we work harmoniously together, everyone will get rewarded together. This results in a atmosphere of trust, love and unity. I believe everyone loves this kind of atmosphere because they can receive further strength and not only have to rely on their own strength. Everybody will not only gain financial benefits but the well being of the mind and heart.

Does it sound too good to be true? Nowadays the smart people are those who knows how to get the most benefits. But that does not totally guarantee that they will be happy and satisfied later on.

Singapore is a small country but if the government even crazily wants to put 7 million people inside, it shows something. There is enough chances for everybody to succeed , there is potential. All it takes is a change of mindset, see things with a bigger perspective.

There is a no need to wait for others to change before you could. Do not subject yourself to the external environment but be the change. Do small steps. At first it may sound foolish to some but do not give up because this is a solid foundation. People will see the benefits in the long run. Till then make small steps every day and every moment.

Super junior

There are times when I go into deep introspection and I do by observing from the outside. But there are times when I just want to act like I could not care less in the world.

Spammed super junior!

Ways to unwind

Hi! I had a shitty day just yesterday and this morning. So stress, i just want to be deaf and blind to my environment around me. Thank God today is Friday and I got the next few days to recharge myself.

I usually unwind by watching super junior stuff. Yes I like them and maybe even crazy but I do not express it out much in public . I like them for being such a humble and talented group. My. first post was about them 🙂

I also read self help inspirational books to motivate myself to be better each day. And more especially so when I keep making mistakes , like my attitude yesterday and this morning. The 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen covey is really practical and it’s timeless.

Or otherwise I will talk crap with my sister. Make jokes and fool around.

But majority is spent on super junior 🙂 they are too awesome. Haha! My laptop is spammed with their videos. Watched them from time to time lightens my mood up 🙂

Childhood memories

Childhood was the most carefree experience I had.
The only worries were school work and exams. From time to time when I am bored, I will take out some stuff and relieve the memories all over again. Each memory, be it good or bad or embarrassing is etched on my mind deeply.

During childhood, i like Hi-5 and teletubbies. I remembered always preparing myself to watch when the time comes. I did not enjoy Pokemon though as I am not interested in their powers battle. Those were the times where I spent a long time watching. It used to be kids central and now that it became okto, I didn’t like it anymore. I felt that as the channel is trying to keep itself up with modern times, the shows are getting more childish and not making any sense. Shows that portrayed cartoon characters arguing over every small thing and speaking fast with accents does not educate the kids at all. Or else it they repeated certain shows from kids central.

As a kid, the most favourite activity in the playground would be playing in the swing. It lifts me up and I love the wind that blows into my face with each swing. I do not often go to the playground because I preferred staying indoors. I played with toy houses and jenga blocks. Instead of using the blocks to build a tower, I often used it as soldiers. I like the in control feeling.

When i am outdoors , I mostly played badminton, football and basketball with my sister. We always played it at the void deck near my house. There was a time I accidentally dropped the ball into the drain. I was upset and asked my second aunt what will happen to the ball. She said it might go to Malaysia or something and I believed. I was 9 or 10 at that time.

Just 2 years ago, my sister saw the ball while walking home. She saw it floating in a big drain near my house. She could recognised the ball as the ball got my name and scribblings all over it. A pity she could not take as it was raining at that time and the ball was inside the drain. So I think the ball is gonna tour around Singapore again.

I was really naive and simple minded as a kid. In primary 3, there was this bunch of guy classmates who told me there are ghosts in the backstage of the school hall and asked me to join them to find. In the end, got nothing. There was another classmate who claimed that she is a Christian and tell me that i cannot do certain things or else the devil will come after me. I believed but I woke up when she slapped me one day just because I am trying to get my eraser back from her. It’s funny just thinking about it now.

I was a crybaby when I was primary one. For the first few months, I cried before going to school and before school ends. Why cry before school ends? Well it’s because I am afraid that no one would fetch me home. Primary 3 was the period where I was the most mischievous. I played in school for one whole day ignoring the teacher because he is an old guy.

Bad memories would be I was always bullied through teasing but it wasn’t too bad as its just remarks and nothing else. I found a good friend there too and still keep in contact till today.

I also get caned at home. There was once i got caned before going to school as I lied saying I completed my assessment books when I did not. When I reach school,my arms and legs were filled with cane marks. The vice principal knew me at that time and she called my mum asking why. After school, my mum just passed the cream to my maid telling her to apply it on me. I realised that she still cared after all.

My parents divorced when I was primary 4, I didn’t really feel the impact of it as I was a kid. But over the years as I grow up , I noticed the difference. But I am not too sad because I would not know how the future will turn out actually. I did not expect myself to have 3 more siblings and I thank God for them 🙂 Childhood is over but the memories will stay with me till the end

Updates!

Right now i am at my last stop of my TEP attachment in Nanyang Poly .

I am working at cheers inside the poly.
It has been pretty smooth sailing so far. Getting out of bed at 5 plus every morning is a obstacle for me because i had not done it since i graduated from secondary school.
Inside cheers, i am a RTV, which means i am responsible for returning the expired goods to vendors.
At first i was pretty confused because the file is messy and goods are everywhere. But now i am better.
Today was stocktake day, which only happens once every quarter of the year. Worked two shifts and am so tired to the point where i thought today was thursday =.=
I need to buck up physically as i am feeling that my energy drains out pretty fast. Losing appetite sometimes as i am too obsessed with working. I usually focus on one thing at a time. Thank God that everything is fine.
Sometimes memories will flash back immediately when i stumbled onto a photo or anything that reminds me of it. It is good and bad, because i remember those good memories but at the same time recalled those bad feelings later on. And then i will go into this cycle of what if i had done this..i shouldn’t have said this…type of thoughts. 
Usually i get over it by telling myself that i will create better memories in the future. This will not be the last time i will say it to myself though because i am a human, not a hero. 
I believe that if there is no past, there is no present me and no future me. Although i have to frankly say i hate myself for doing certain actions in the past, but there is where i learnt and pick myself up. And i think just like anyone else, that if there is a no need to talk about the past, then do not say it. 
All in all, life is short so it should be spent meaningfully.

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