Hi 2017

So i am back here again after a year. I did not post since my last post as i have been keeping a handwritten journal since then. But i will do a short update here on how 2017 has been for me. (after typing the post i realized this is long)

2017 is a year of stretching for me personally in all areas whether it be physically, mentally and emotionally. I also saw how God moved powerfully in the different areas of my life and i am even more firm in this belief that God takes care of those who take refuge in Him, that He will make a way when there seems to be no way.

My spiritual theme for this year is to build a faith that is solely on God’s word and not on my own experiences of how God has worked for me before in the past. Building my faith on God’s word and not on experiences helps me to stay grounded amidst the unpredictability of life.

Over the course of this year, i find that God allows certain circumstances into my life to help me with this spiritual theme. I will share in a few broad areas which are work, church and family.

In work:

I started working as a social work administrator since November last year. This job was given to me as a answered prayer last year. I was quite traumatized by the encounter in the previous job that i actually had lost confidence in myself and in the passion i had towards the social service field. I wanted to run away from this social service industry and get a normal business job. I wanted to come back only when i manage to get a social work degree because social work is different from psychology work.

But God did not let me run away, He closed the doors in the business field. I went for 3 different HR jobs interviews but i did not pass any of them. I knew deep down inside that my passion towards the social work field is still alive but i was paralyzed with fear. I make a simple prayer to God that if He really wants me to continue to pursue my calling in this field, i would want to work from the very bottom and not going to handle casework. I just want to be in an environment where i can observe how other people handle cases and learn from them.

When i saw this job advertisement on the SSI website, i felt comfortable reading the job description even though the location was on the opposite end of Singapore. I got the call to go for an interview on the following week on the day of application. After going for the interview, i had fears and wanted to reject it before i even knew the outcome because i was still not ready to face something new. The outcome of the job came when i was attending my university christian fellowship camp. The title of the camp was on passion and the messages in the camp were what i exactly needed to get my courage back to try again. If it was not for the camp, i might have still be paralyzed by fear and be stuck in misery elsewhere. Passion is a vital factor for me to do my job well.

I am almost coming close to a year in this job. I am amazed and thankful for the way God moved in this workplace. When i first entered this job, i entered into an environment where people were burning out and there were a few big holes in the processes and manpower too. I felt a bit disappointed because i was hoping to see a better environment from that previous first job. However over time, i grew to learn and see the importance of self-care, the importance of having a problem-solving mentality and the importance of building and sustaining a caring and supportive workplace environment. In the social work industry, burnout is a common problem and i recognize the importance of teamwork because nobody can shoulder everything on their own.

I am also inspired by the grit and big heart that my bosses and colleagues displayed in holding on even in the worst of circumstances. God answered our silent prayers over time by sending more people into the workplace and i witnessed the transformation of a burned-out workplace environment into a caring and supportive workplace.  environment. This is truly God’s work and I am thankful to have witness it. I hope that i will be able to make the best of what i have been given and give my best in my season of working in this organization.

In Church:

God gave me more responsibilities in church this year. From serving in one capacity as a projectionist leader, it increased to four capacities which includes becoming a board member, being an emcee and a prayer facilitator. I thank God for the opportunities i have been given. Becoming a board member is something that is really significant for me considering that i am very young and i have no experience, i am surprised that i got elected in the end. I thank God for giving me the strength to serve in these 4 roles in church. There were times when i really struggled a lot because of my physical weariness but this is where i see the grace of God coming in to help me in those moments.

Moving forward to next year, I will step down from the roles of emcee and prayer facilitator as i want to pursue the desire that God placed in my heart this year which is to be a spiritual support to others and strengthen their faith in God.

Family:

I thank God for the work that He has been doing in my family. I often find myself always struggling the most in this area because they are the ones i care most about and have the strongest emotional attachments to. When conflicts happen, sometimes i find myself not behaving objectively and reacting badly. They are the ones who see all the sides of me and it is my desire to give them the best that i can give.

My faith got tested severely early this year when i got pulled into a personal crisis that my loved one got into. I was pulled in to help the person out of the situation. It is my first time being pulled into that crisis and i did not really know what to do. I thank God that He intervened in the crisis by sending people to help and give advice to me and to my loved one. My relationship with that loved one became strained too as that loved one did not really learn from the crisis and subsequently got into another crisis soon after the first crisis ended. I struggle a lot with anger and bitterness and it is only by the strength and grace of God that i manage to help the loved one again after the second crisis by referring to the right people. I recognized that some of these problems are not going to go away and may take years and experiences to be resolved. Even though i wish that all of these problems could disappear but i am going to put my faith in God that He will give me the strength and wisdom and be with me whenever it arises.

For myself:

This year is a stretching journey for me, most of the stretching are really good especially in terms of being able to serve more and also learn more in my various life roles. I also wanted to see how far i can go with whatever talents and resources i have been given. However i recognize that i still need to improve in taking care of myself better. I find myself battling with physical and emotional weariness many times and i am unable to give the best in whatever i am doing when i reach that point of exhaustion.

On weekdays after work, i will usually head home straight with one desire in mind which is to have my alone time and not talk to anybody as i need time to recharge physically, mentally and emotionally. Whenever i am really tired, i will refrain from talking too much with others as i get annoyed easily and snap at people easily. However when i do that, i do not interact much with my family. I am only able to give them more attention on weekends when i am more fully rested. This is an area that i know i need to work on better so that i do not neglect them. I will put this into God’s hands and move in His strength and timing.

This issue of physical weariness is a real one for me because i feel that it stops me from being able to fully carry out the life roles i have to my best of my ability. When i am tired, i become irritable and selfish. Spiritually speaking, it all comes down to the posture of surrender because i have this strong tendency to want to hold it all together and not fully giving everything to God. I beat myself mentally when things do not go well.

God has been speaking to me the importance of spending time with Him in the morning so that i am able to receive His love and strength. Many times i have been going on my own strength without me noticing it until i reached that point of exhaustion and i just drop myself in God’s arms, telling Him that i can’t do it anymore. Usually i will listen to worship songs and make a prayer on the way to work in the mornings but i think this is not enough. I need to be more intentional in spending more time with God to be in a posture to receive and surrender all my cares to Him.

I thank God for His love that reaches out to me in so many situations when i could barely take care of myself well properly. He sends in the form of His Word, His people for me to turn to and bless the situation that i am by allowing it to go smoothly. God is truly a loving heavenly father. Every time i come back to Him in prayer and worship, i know that He is there for me with open arms. There is no condemnation coming from Him but only a love that wants the best for me.

Throughout my life, God is faithful and He always uses the bad circumstances that life brings to me to teach me something or to use it to encourage others. God never fails in delivering whatever He has promised in His word and over the years i have seen God working more and more mightily in my life without my input. This life that i have does not belong to me but to Him and i pray that others will be able to see that God is the main character in my life story that they want to get to know Him too. For nothing is more precious and valuable than the love that God has towards us, and this unconditional love that i experience is a gift that i hope others will receive it too. God’s unconditional love is too big for me to keep it by myself in secret.

Coming to the end of 2017 and moving on to 2018, my only desire is to grow stronger and closer in my walk with God for that is the only thing that matters most to me. I believe that God will be more than able to provide for all my needs in every kind of circumstance that i faced because God is loving and faithful just like He says in His word and has shown himself to be real in my life.

 

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