Idealist

INFJ
Idealists part 1 
Idealists part 2
Idealists part 3

Talents?

Honestly I do not know what I’m particularly good at. So frustrating because there is no specific direction and what more I’m graduating from poly soon.

Of course I know having a certain talent does not necessarily determine your career but at least you know what you are good at. 
My sister can draw. Me? Over thinking things? I’m interested in personality types and what makes people tick. But that is not a career at all, unless I become a counsellor. I like to help people and encourage them. But I’m not sure if I’m suitable to be a counsellor because I don’t think I am that emotionally mature to guide people with their problems. 
In poly I keep getting Bs for most of my modules. It is not pointing any direction for me either. I ask my friends for some advice but I get vague answers. I pray to God and I believe He is in control but I’m just impatient. 
Omg I should just stop thinking about this. But i am just annoyed that I don’t have any particular talent that makes me goes, oh hey I am good at this. 

Right people or people you want.

There is this popular quote that goes like this that the people that is meant to stay in your life will stay even without you making much effort. 

But it’s not exactly true. Relationship need two parties to work. Even if the right people are there, if you don’t make any effort to keep them, they may still leave one day. Because people have feelings and want to feel valued. 
Yes, God has definitely make us meet our friends and family for a reason but it comes down to our effort to keep them in our lives as well. 
There is a difference between the right people and the people we want to be with. The people we want to be with may not be the right people and the right people we have may not be the people we want to be with. 
Right people are people who motivate you, support you, encourage you, brings out the best in you, let you be yourself and accept your flaws as part of you. 
Awesome right?
 But sometimes we can’t see that they are there because we are focusing on somebody else. The right people may not be your closest friend,they may just be a classmate or a friend. That is why we may fail to notice them because we think the people who truly understand us are our closest friends. 
Its great if the right people are also our closest friends, everything is much easier. 
People who we want to be with may not be the right people for us. They can understand us but they may not accept us for who we are. They may be not encouraging and may even look down on your weaknesses at times. But we still want to be with them because we are comfortable and feel safe in their presence.
The question is who will we choose to be with if we were given the choice when we know who are the right people and the people we want to be with. 
I myself find it hard to choose personally. Feelings versus logic. There is no right or wrong answer in this. A dilemma that everybody faces and struggles with. A dilemma that gives people heartache because the people they may want to be with gives them heartache. I guess the best answer for me is to balance both. Constantly appreciating them and be mature enough to know what is right and wrong – sticking to principles. 
In the future I may post another topic about people also. This is an outlet to release my thoughts. It releases me from stress and I can be more clear headed.

Facts about me

1. I’m born on 27 Dec 1994 

2. I’m a left hander, genes from my dad
3. I’m the eldest out of 5 siblings in which 4 are my half siblings.
4. I was supposed to be born in jan 1995
5. I prank call the police before when I was primary 2.
6. I secretly go to my friends house before in primary school.
7. I got a scar underneath my lips because I fell from the staircase in primary 4.
8. I was the chairman of my class in primary 5 and everyone dislike me because I was too strict.
9. My favourite color is red, dark blue and black.
10. I accepted Christ as my saviour in primary 6.
11. I was a debater in secondary school.
12. My CCA in secondary school is guitar.
13. My right hand is better as compared to my left hand for sports.
14. I can’t stand small annoying noises such as draggy footsteps, slurping and chewing mouth noises.
15. Before I bathe, I wash away all the dirty marks on the floor as I can’t tolerate seeing the floor dirty.
16. I like to eat garlic bread and tofu.
17. I’m an INFJ
18. I’m supposed to be wearing spectacles but my degree is only 75.
19. I play badminton in primary school.
20. I aspire to play piano and improve my guitar skills.
21. I like penguins and baby animals in general.
22. I hope to start up a non profit business in the future.
23. I got baptised on 24 dec 2011.
24. I’m a projectionist leader in church.
25. I’m shy and quiet around people I’m not close to but noisy around people I trust.
26. I take friendships and kinship seriously and am loyal to those I trust.
27. 27 is my favourite number as its my birthday number.
28. I’m sensitive to the atmosphere around me. I can get negative if I sense negative feelings from people around me and vice versa.
29. I appreciate honesty and criticism when people tell me if they have problems with me.
30. I do somehow always find out and know people ulterior motives or if they are lying to me.
31. I’m always idealising stuff in my head, like supportive community, everything is good. 
32. I read self help books. 
33. I do wonder what people view me as and I always ask my friends for that.
34. I cycle, swim and play bowling.
35. I’m constantly trying to make my activities meaningful. 
36. I don’t like suspense especially after quarrels, that cold shoulder period. I rather the person explode at me or else I will over think.
37. I do tend to worry excessively especially when it comes to relationships with people during conflicts.
38. Having a clear conscience is way better than having fame. 
39. I need to sleep otherwise I become super irritable.
40. I hope to leave good memories for the people I come into contact with.

Pleasant last week of holidays

This final week has been eventful and pleasant for me. 

 Monday :i went out with my poly friends and we had a great time together.
Tuesday : I visited my grandfather and chatted/ encourage him to be more optimistic about his condition.
Wednesday: I collected my laptop and have dinner with my cell group
Today: I went running in the morning.
Even though i do not have a day where i did nothing at all, i still feel as energetic as ever.
Everything has been pretty smooth for me so far and i thank God for it. 
Okay i am not sure how to continue, so bye.

Trusting The Lord

Money is always a sensitive issue. 

And u start realising that it is sensitive when u start working. Because money is an external reward for your hard work, it is the fruit of your labor. 
The main purpose of me working during the holidays is to earn more money for myself. And it’s just my selfish human nature that feels uncomfortable when my parents expect me to give some to them. Yes I know it’s natural and good that I should give. And I don’t mind giving but I want to give out of my own free will.
My mom expects me to give her and frankly I find it difficult because she do not provide any support to me and always ask me to lend her money. I did give some because I understand her financial situation. But I will not give her anymore, I will help her in other ways. After all I still am a student, I don’t have much income. 
And then my laptop spoiled and its not under warranty. And I have to prepare money to pay for the repairs. I wanted to give my dad money but now I need to set it aside for the repairs. After all it doesn’t make sense that I give him and then later ask him for money to pay for the repairs. 
I learnt from my auntie this morning that he is complaining why I am not giving him money. I just feel so down. It’s not that I don’t wanna give, but I need to set aside money for my repairs and now I feel compelled to give. You know that type of feeling? 
I am going to give him money, in thankfulness for taking care of me financially when I’m growing up.
I’m just feeling a bit sad that I am hearing this kind of things. 
And I’m praying and trusting The Lord to provide for my every need. At the end of the day I hope that I still have enough money to spend and save for myself. I’m just grateful that God hears my every prayer and knows what I’m going through.
Yes things are not that bad like it seems. I need more wisdom and grace to manage my money well. God is faithful and I will become stronger from this.

Happy like this

I am no longer working! Yay! It’s feel so good to be back to a status of a student. Makes me more carefree. 

And so now I’m left with one week of holidays before my final semester begins. I don’t regret that I had only one week left to enjoy because going back to school itself is quite enjoyable for me. Being able to hang around with friends is a blessing for me. When u go to work, things are really different, so I appreciate this student life now. 
I love the fact that I am still young and I can try and explore more things. I don’t have to really let age or having to support a family being a factor for my decisions yet. And I want to keep this youthful mentality even when I’m old. 
I want to try many things. I want to learn music, play guitar and piano. I want to try dance. I want to keep myself fit. I want to be a good cook. And of course one thing at a time. And I won’t rush into it, I accomplish it slowly as I go into my twenties and thirties. 
The fact that tomorrow is always a new day with a new beginning is a blessing from God. Because u can create your own possibilities. I am confident that I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am living on earth. I am thankful for the grace and love He has been providing me. Yes I am happy like this. 🙂

God is full of surprises

Can I just blog without any title? Because what I usually type is just free flow, no specific topic until I reach the end then I realised I hit a topic. 

Moving on, this coming week is my last week of work! 🙂 4 working days to be exact. I’m happy it is ending but I am thankful that this Job teach me lots of practical skills like business writing, making formal calls and I got a chance to attend several business meetings with my boss. 
I’m not sure if I had mentioned this before. But I believe it is God’s plan for me to do this scheduling job. How so?
1) I randomly send in a few resumes into recruit express just a day after my exams last semester ended just because i see my peers doing it and I immediately got a call from the agent asking if he could send in to some Hong Kong company and I agreed without thinking much. And then on that evening I was asked to go for an interview the next day. To be honest a few days beforehand I was telling my friends that I want to rest for my entire holidays. 
2) During the interview, I was told that my
Job scope would include budgeting, hr stuff, booking flights and hotels and I told her honestly that I got no experience but I find it a good challenge for me to take up. After the interview I was kind of afraid actually and I hope I don’t get chosen.
However I told God that if it is part of His plan for me, so be it. 
3) I was chosen out of 6 other people. And I also realised that this Hong Kong company is actually a government office. 
4) I went in totally doing something not mentioned at all in the interview.
I ended up not working for her but for somebody else and did scheduling which I definitely have no experience in. But I picked up time management skills, understand more things at a government level. 
God do throw surprises like this and yes I think I performed better in this job as compared to my internship. 
Next,
My laptop is kind of damaged now. I tried starting it up on Friday night and it just freeze at the start screen. I’m just sighing like why does it have to do this to me and I may have to call up the technical service people to help me. 
But then I found out another thing that made me grateful instead. 
This week I was supposed to be doing my projectionist duty in church. Which means I have to prepare the PowerPoint and certain stuff for the service. 
But then I mistakenly thought that last week was my duty and I did it last week instead. The person in charge of last week also didnt know it was her duty that week and somehow it just falls perfectly into place that I’m doing it instead. If not,last week the service may be disrupted and it has serious consequences. 
My laptop died on me on Friday, imagine if I went according to schedule, this week is my duty and I would have a major headache because I need the laptop to do my stuff. 
I believe its God’s plan. Like really if I didn’t mistakenly assume its my duty last week, 2 bad things would have happen. 
Firstly, last week service would have been disrupted because the person who is on duty will be terribly late and unprepared because she forgotten she is on duty.  
Secondly, this week service may have some hiccups because my laptop died on me on Friday. 
I’m thankful to God for his help in my job and in my projectionist duty. What seems as a mistake could be a blessing in the end actually. God is full of surprises. 

1000 years by your side

Lovely voices by Shinee

Empty

My salary finally came in today. But i didnt feel particularly happy. When i first started working, i was anticipating the things i can do when i finally get my salary. But now, i just feel empty.
Reason mainly is because of my family problems. I want to really rant here but it is too sensitive to be mentioned here. And so like always, i try to keep it in myself. And then i feel lousy and start acting stupid.

To be honest, all i wanna do now is to just lie in bed, listen to music, watch videos, laugh to myself, talk with my friends and just stop working.

I got 2 weeks to go and i know time will pass really fast but i am losing motivation. I want control over my time. But this is just a feeling and i know it will pass, so i am not going to hastily quit.

I need a new earpiece, one side of my earpiece is not working since late August actually. I purposely am delaying the need to buy a new one until i get my salary. And so now i should feel happy and proud that i can get one.

But i am not, i just feel tired. Work has been actually pretty smooth for me but i am finding it meaningless.

Just feel empty.

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