The addiction and danger of MBTI 

Since secondary school, I have been doing many personality tests. It is an attempt to give myself an identity, that I know what my strengths and weaknesses are and most importantly to know that I’m not totally weird in this world. It is like a buffer for my insecurities back then because i was bullied in school and I find myself not being able to fit in with everyone else. 

So from there until now, I became more interested in this area especially because it has helped me to understand people better. I somehow am able to read people better because I have this knowledge and I learn how to observe. 

According to the MBTI, I am a INFJ. When I first read the personality description, I was happy because it really describes me accurately. I am not that weird after all. And as I ask my friends to do the test too, I find it more believable because of how it accurately describes my friends too. Even though this test is not really reliable in the psychology field, but I am amazed by how accurate it could be. It’s even better than the big five personality test. 

So if I were to describe myself, infj would be one of the major parts that I would say. There is nothing wrong about it actually. 

Just that recently I start to realise that it can be bad also. Especially when people start to justify their actions by their personality type. Like shrinking or avoiding certain stuff just because their personality type is not meant for those stuff or acting out of hand because they can’t help it. Like how introverts give plenty of excuses on not social zing with people because they can’t ( when actually they can if they are brave enough) and extroverts saying they can’t live without people ( they can if they learnt to cultivate that). 

It’s like we are setting up our own limitations and strengths before we even attempt to try it out first. We reached a definite conclusion so quickly. Who we are now may not be the same years from now because we are humans and we can change. Our personality is not fixed, it is variable and influenced by the experiences we go through and the lessons we picked up along the way.  

Personality tests and descriptions can be addicting because we want to have an identity. In fact we need to have one. There is nothing wrong with doing it and believing in it. It only becomes wrong when a person believes it to the extent whereby he set and revolves his life around the strengths and weaknesses according to his personality type. 

We all have the opportunity to grow and turn our weaknesses into strengths. All we need is courage. An introvert can be more extroverted and vice versa. People who are more sensitive can also be logical thinkers and vice versa. We are not that fixed. Even though we may have certain inclination to act in a certain way, but we can choose to act differently if we want to. 

So I believe that I can be more than what infj says of me. I can be more versatile and flexible. I can grow better and turn my weakness into strengths. God did not create humans who are fixed in personality, he has given us the freedom to develop in different ways and it is up to us to decide who we want to become today and in the future.

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Thoughts like always

I can’t wait for this week to end. Because this will mean the end of all my assignments and i can rest a bit before preparing for exams.

When this trimester ends, i would have completed half of the lap of my degree with one more year to go.

To be honest, i am not really that excited at the prospect of graduating. For this would mean i would have to enter the working world. And i would enter business because my bachelor of arts (psychology) degree could not help much in the social services field. I still need to get a Masters of counselling degree to be qualified as a counselor. So my intention is to work and save up money for a few years before continuing my studies or work and study part time.

I have full assurance that God will take care and meet my needs. I believe that God has called me to be in a position to encourage others. Although i can’t really predict the future but i know that this is my calling. I feel really happy when i see that people are lifted up in spirits due to encouragement. That kind of happiness is like how a professional runner feels when he is running because he knows that this is meant for him. That is how i really felt. I cannot imagine being anywhere else although i can if i want to but i know that i will never be completely satisfied.

There are still times when i will still question myself whether i can be a counselor. I see my weakness all too clearly. Even though i know that my strengths and weaknesses falls on the same line, i still doubt myself.

Firstly i am an introvert. Although nowadays i am an ambivert but my main source of energy comes from spending time alone, reading books and doing my own stuff.  I get drained if i am hanging out with people for too long. So i realized that if i become a counselor, i have to be really disciplined. I have to plan my own rest breaks if not i will burnout. I tend to get burn out easily.

Secondly, I am either too logical or too sensitive. (Sounds crazy right?) I don’t think i am able to empathize with people who are refusing to help themselves especially when help has been offered but yet they are stuck in self-pity. I feel like taking something to knock them off from self pity. Self pity in general is a trap. But i have a really soft spot for people who are hurting deep inside but they have to be strong due to their circumstances. I might end up helping beyond what i could. I think this two points that i mentioned are directly in contrast to each other haha.

Thirdly, I might end up linking all my problems to the problems of people whom i counseled especially if their problems are similar to mine. I am not sure if i can draw the line between personal and professional boundaries. Not mature enough and the list goes on.

I know that i should focus on my current responsibility as a student. All things will work out fine as God is in control. But these thoughts will still surface up time to time for its normal that i think of it.

But i guess this is why the future can be so exciting even though it is uncertain because i can’t predict it. Who knows where i will be in 5 years time except God? I only hope and want to become better every year.

I am turning 21 this year. Although i am still young, i feel really old. Especially when i look at my younger siblings whom i have more than 13 years age difference. I feel like taking care of them and protect them or rather my whole family as i am the eldest. Sometimes subconsciously i will tend to think of thoughts on how to take care of them just like how a parent will think even though it is not my responsibility. But i cannot do many things yet so the best thing now is to be a good older sister and turn everything else to God.

I have a Type A personality although i tend to believe that i am in between Type A and B and see myself as more relaxed. So i tend to really over-think on a lot of things because i always plan in advance and worry in advance also. I have to get everything done before i can sleep peacefully.

That is why i really have to start being more disciplined and plan my rest breaks. Because i will tend to not rest at all if i have things to be done. And being an introvert also means that my energy is limited. I will get burn out easily.

So another main priority for me at this age is to learn to discipline my life well. That i have enough rest to be able to do things well and contribute positively. So that i am better equipped to be a counselor when the time comes.