Walking with God from level 1 

My walk with God is taking on a whole new shift. I’m learning how to walk with God with the deep awareness of His love in my heart. 

My walk with God has previously before been more intellectual than personal. I thought I knew Him but God in his steadfast love is showing me that I do not know Him personally enough. In this season, with the recent uncertainties that I see in my own life, I feel that my inner core is shaken badly. My old ways of coping does not work anymore. I see that knowing Him intellectually is not enough to still the anxieties and fears of my fragile heart. I need His word to be a living reality in my heart. 

I struggle with loneliness a lot, especially with the knowledge that I cannot realistically keep turning to people whenever I feel a certain emotion. I know that there is a limit to the level of emotional support they can give and I know that it will never fully satisfy the need that I am looking for. Only God can fill in that gap and only he is the One who will be with me in all Seasons of my life without leaving me. 

I do feel a bit dreadful when night approaches sometimes, especially recently because my inner core is not very strong. Especially in the wee hours, when my mind is not fully working even when I’m awake and that is when I hear my heart speaks. That is when all the defenses of me comes down and I know that I’m feeling really lonely and afraid inside. But I know that this is precisely where I need the love of God to come in most. 

I’m feeling like a baby all over again in this new journey with God. I pray to receive more grace and the reality of God’s love into my fragile heart. The gentle voice of the Father is never too far from me. As I speak that in my heart to Him, I hear Him saying that all I need to do is to believe and turn to Him each time I feel that way because He is never too far from me. That His love and peace will fill me even if my mind still wants to ask questions. And that I have to be still and just accept his love, and that is all that really matters. 

I have been really selective in what I’m hearing and seeing nowadays because my heart gets easily disturbed by the slightest thing. Hearing worship songs and watching worship videos and reading the word of God is what helps me to build up this foundation of Christ’s love in my heart. I know it takes time for a foundation to be built and God is saying to me to take everything one day at a time. His grace is new every morning. 

This intimacy that I am learning in this season will be very precious to me especially because I am in this season of life now where I’m not seeing much things happening in the natural but I believe that God is working out something in the spiritual realm. 

More often than not, God wants me to do the believing and He will take charge of the rest. Throughout the bible, there are many accounts of people believing in who God is and God came through for their situation. They didn’t have to work too hard, if not there is no point in God having a hand in it. 

In this season, God is wanting me to trust in Him while I continue on living day to day, doing whatever I need to do to fulfill my different roles. That I will seek him first. His grace will never run out on me. That I can turn to him in all moments, because seeking Him just twice a day is not enough to keep the fire going on in my heart. More often that not God’s grace comes in moment by moment. 

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