Time cannot be stopped

Time cannot be stopped, repeated or turn back.

Time is ticking.

When that perspective takes root, priorities will change. What used to be and seems to be important is not that important anymore. For me it is a emphasis on the things i should treasure.

Family, Friends and God.

I should focus on what i want to do and not how others think.

Shut off the noise.

Open to opinions but be firm on what my principles in life are.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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Stronger

The people who come into my life and genuinely brought laughter and joy into my life, I am grateful to. It’s hard to see them leave though.

I will be stronger. Stronger to love and appreciate others more. Not to be more cold. It take time.

Patience with family is love,
Patience with others is respect,
Patience with yourself is confidence,
Patience with God is faith.

I try my best. I feel like I’m on a emotional roller coaster ride. And it is hidden beneath my calm exterior.

I try I try I try. For myself for my loved ones for people who believe in me and God.

again

Can i like forget myself for a day? Forget who i am, the people in my life and be carefree.

Why am i thnking so much, so emotionally vulnerable?

I swear sometimes i feel like i am suffocating.

Having a good memory is not too good. Its like a playlist that rewind since i was in secondary school all the way till now.

One good memory comes with loads of bad memories after that.

I am just condemning myself literally.

I dont feel happy being emotionally cold and emotionless. Not at all. But yet vulnerability at times like this is not ideal.

Nowadays i feel like i am drifting. Trying to gain some weight. I dont like how skinny i am now.
Feel so weak.

Should i just forget that emotions existed. Just use my head for everything. Easier?

Anyway nowadays not everybody i call friend a friend, and those that i really want the friendship somehow left me one by one. Even if i try to get them back, there are too many barriers. It takes 2 hands to clap. So i got one and im waving it to the air.

I better stop now.

Review and renew my goals again

The world focus on three P’s which are Power, Pleasure and Possession.
To enjoy pleasure requires power and possession.
A competitive mindset, that there is only one victory spot. That to truly get the best out of life is to be the 1st in everything.

It is very tiring to live with this kind of mindset. Forever suspecting people’s motives and keep worrying.

Recently i had been pretty down and out because i am too attached to myself. Thinking about myself and not letting go of the past. Thinking back on those bad experiences and am insecure. Wondering if i am really that bad to be friends with. Most of the people come and go out of my life within a short period so i really feel upset. Especially these past 2 years,

But i cannot keep going on like this forever. When i get stressed, i hold it in and it starts taking a toll on my health. I lost weight due to loss of appetite and become more tired easily. I am just harming myself basically.

I have to try and try. Try to improve myself, be more optimistic and more joyful. Currently i am in this dry phrase where a day is just a day and nothing more. I got to get back into spending time with God again. For really and truly my energy and determination comes from Him alone. My motivation to live is from Him. Honestly i don’t think i can make it based on my own strength.

I got to think about my future and work towards it. What i want to do in the future is to help others achieve their goals. Social work is one of the options that i can only think of so far. It is quite vague. I want a simple and contented lifestyle. Not sure if business is what i really want because i do not like office politics.

But to help others requires me to help myself first. I have to let go of the past. I will try. It is hard though because the feelings will come back when i am alone. I just pray to God and focus on the present and future, i am sensitive, i admit. One day at a time!

Tomorrow is a new day, lets go!

Whirlwind of emotions

When I fall, I have to pick myself up. I cannot expect people to help me because I have to be independant. My last few posts are of me exposing my vulnerability. However it is not really weakness because I’m a human after all. This is my outlet.

One of the hardest truth I have to accept in life is that people come and go. I cannot accept it as once i let a person get close to me, I cannot let go. Because I am spending my effort getting to know the person as well and am exposing my vulnerability.

But it happens mostly as I am growing up. Relationships are so fragile. Nobody can truly say they accept another person completely for who they are. Everything is judged based on world standards. So it’s hard to have a ideal relationship of any kind.

Must people be complicated and scheming to succeed? I cannot accept this though.
Must we fight each other just for that one victory spot? Yeah I am thinking too idealistic and that how I get disappointed.

It’s not easy to walk past people whom I am once close to and barely greeting each other. Really awkward. Saying hi is weird and not greeting is seen as arrogant. Every time when people leave me, I am emotionally scarred. Because I feel like I’m a failure in relationships. I’m not wonderful enough. Insecure thoughts come into my mind.

As much as I’m seen as independant, calm and cool by many people, I’m not totally 100% that. I need people to support and guide me. I feel emotions deeply and I am intuitive at times. All those emotions that are dwelling inside me sometimes exhaust me.

I should be more grateful that I still got my family, a roof over my head. I must really force motivate myself. So far I have make some new good friends. I try my best to be a better friend. I do my part to create a better tomorrow for myself. Have faith in God.