I got nothing to hide!

Today is a pretty long day for me..

Attending tutorials and more tutorials already depleted half of my enegry……

Thank God its a current liablility ..hehe POA

Well i am not so bothered with the fact that i have tutorials…
After all i should be used to it by now…

Today i ended my friendship with shimin….
It ended on a slient but bad note………..i totally ignored her and oh well..spoken some unkind words…
I just could not keep this anger anymore………
All i know is this friendship MUST End! I do not want to spend the last few months of my secondary school life stressing over friendship problems.
She had been giving me the cold shoulder today, giving me an obvious hint that somehow she or i got to end it..
Well ending this friendship is a good thing for both of us…….at least there will be no more hurts or quarrels.
Obviously i would be pretty sad, considering the fact that she and I has been friends for 4 years…and it had to end this way..
I tried countless times to save it…….however my efforts were in vain..
She did not tell me what her problem with me was…….
So i was rather hurt when i have to hear it coming from someone else and not from her personally……
I admit that i was part of the reason..
I sometimes neglected her by talking to other people..
Tends to be too frank also……
Communication is vital to any relationship..
Apparently we did not communicate well enough..
Although this friendship has ended..that does not mean i hate her……
I did not ever regret that this friendship existed..
I regret that it has to end this way..
Well through this friendship, i has learnt many things…….
Communication is VERY Important!
That is the main lesson…………
Sometimes its hard to be frank when telling out your problems…..
But that will strengthen the relationship

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My purpose in life…

I have decided to use this blog as an place where i unleash all my thoughts 
The other blog will be just about the relationship between me and God……

Reason is that if i were to use the other blog as a place where i unleash all my thoughts…….
People may be offended if they saw it……i also am unsure how would they be offended….
So this livejournal blog is the best place for me to put everything down without having any worries
So far only two people knew that this blog still existed…….:)

My purpose in life was actually to be part of God’s plan..serving Him
Right now i still have no idea where i am supposed to be going….
Soon i am going to leave secondary school and i have to decide on my path…
Junior college or Polytechnic??
During the beginining of the year..i had already made up my mind to go junior college…….
However thanks to the school organising polytechnic talks ……….
I AM UNDECIDED…
But right now my mind is inclined towards taking the polytechnic route…….taking psychology…..
At either Ngee Ann or Temasek Polytechnic…..
Well i might choose ngee ann polytechnic although its so far away from my house
Reason being i want to go into a new environment…….
I know that if i go Temasek poly, i will see many of my ex secondary school mates…..and i do not like it.
Why i choose psychology???
Well i felt that if i take up psychology and i graduate with a diploma…i can enter into many sectors like business or education and many more..the choices are wide…

Polytechnic life is defintely different from Junior college..
No more school uniform
No more waking up so early in the morning
No PE
Freedom of choosing what to wear…

I am a laid back person………
I might get frustated by the fact that i have to think of what to wear every single day….
That the only main problem i have…….

I will leave this to God to decide…..for now study and more study!

Life,,

Every single day the sun rises and sets………..
But yet our feelings continously changes……we could be happy one day and sad one day…..
All humans are like that…we all have feelings..
But what sets us apart from one another??
Physical looks yes……….but what is more important is our character…….
What defines our character??
Family background
Values that were taught by our parents..
Friends influence……..
These are all external factors that contributed to defining our own unique character…
But ultimately
Its our personal decisions
Our willingness to learn, to fogive, to accept
That we grow emotionally…….

After being in Loyang Secondary for nearly 4 years……….i learnt lots of things
Even though i dislike it for the fact that the school looks old……and all the physical environmental factors……
The friends or classmates i made infulence me and shape me into the way i am today..
Came into Secondary school as an introvert and super sensitive person……well i was also naive..
Was bullied, taunted, betrayed by classmates and friends……..thank God not beaten up..haha
Though these people might now know it…….i grow to be mentally and emotionally stronger….
They were actually helping me somehow……
I learnt from all these…became more confident and outspoken….however still an introvert..
I choose the positive side …….
Depsite all these unpleasant incidents..i made good friends too..
Friends that will assist me whenever i need help….

I am going to thank someone here…………Fatin ………….(this sounds so mushy..currently having goosebumps)
But no matter what you deserve it…..
Thank you for being a loyal friend to me
Thank you for being kind to me……..so stop claiming you are selfish
You taught me how to stay calm in unpleasant situations
You taught me that happiness is not defined by materialistic things..all we need is just to enjoy small simple life pleasures..
You are a great listener……….(sometimes i wonder why you do not get irriated by some of my complaints)
You shape me more than you ever know……your impact on me was great
I could never find somemore more awesome than you…..
No words can ever describle my graditiude towards you……
As we take on O-level together……always remember i am a call away……
THANK YOU
I cannot imagine what will happen on the day of taking O-level results……..
But be fully assured that i will never forsake you:)

The reason why i never delete this account

 Answer is very simple………..nobody knows that this livejournal existed except for Joana:)

So that means i can pour out my heart and soul here…….

O-level is approaching with such a fast intensity that i cannot afford to waste any more time..

At the beginning of this year, i told myself to not get too involved with friendship problems… I will concentrate on my studies instead..
Well i did not manage to follow through with what i had orginally said..
I find myself  mulling over this kind of problems………..and i call it dumb..
But i cant help it as this concerns the 4 years friendship that i had cultivated with 2 friends..
Only to realise that it had gone into waste……by what i found out yesterday…
Their names are shimin and qian ying…….
These two people have been friends with me since secondary 1
Well in any friendship,..disputes will occur due to different personalities…….however it will not last forever…
I forget all those unpleasant incidents……….however shimin and qian ying did not…
They kept it right down inside their hearts and gossip about me………
I knew there were some things that they did not like me for…
But i really detest their way of solving things…
They did not let  me know that they were unhappy with me…
In front of me they acted like okay…behind my back…i cannot imagine..
I am hurt…i found this out by another classmate who was concerned for my situation…
Basically their reasons why they dislike me are from small simple things that slowly bulit up over time…
I did very well for my SA2 last year……………..
Obviously i would rejoice………..however shimin was unhappy…..
That is one of the many examples……………and that is so minnor……..
Oh well
Joana…i guess you will be the only one who would ever see this post…….well……..thats good…….cuz i trust you:)

When i look at myself

When i first look at myself a few years ago……

I saw a girl being constantly bullied by her peers…

I saw a girl getting depressed by the slightest insult….

I saw a girl keeping all the problems inside her heart…….

I saw a girl struggling to go to school everyday…..

I saw a girl crying sliently at some nights……

While trying to hang on to God……

When i look at myself a few years later…..

I saw a girl thanking God every single day….

I saw a girl being continually strengthened with every trial…..

I saw a girl who smile no matter what……

I saw a girl who is comforted with God by her side every single a moment

I saw a girl who lives with HOPE

while knowing deep inside that God is with me:)