Why so serious?

I have given up finding a job because there is not much time left. I do want earn money but other type of jobs such as retail needs me to commit weekend which I am not willing.

And so I am stuck at home, doing nothing. I went to the library to borrow books so that I won’t be bored. And I guess this will be what I be doing till school reopen.

Most of my friends are busy working so I have to wait till oct before I can go out but it’s all right.

Just that I tend to over think things when I’m alone. Trying to not think of the past but I cannot because I keep reflecting on it. I believe that most people see me as a serious and kinda moody person. And then I give people the negative feeling sometimes.

Happiness, anger, hatred are all but temporal. Maybe it’s the environment that I am brought up in, that I know that to get something, I must earn something. There is a price to pay. Although I know that God loves me and I firmly believe in His existence but I’m a human after all. Many things I have to do it by myself.

I just cannot go with the flow of life and be happy go lucky because I know that everything is temporal. One day I might be happy, next day I might be sad and the logical me will try to reason why it is so and thus over thinking happens.

Sometimes it’s a good thing, I think before I act. My decisions are made out carefully most of the time. Particularly in dealing with people. I don’t aim to please people but at least to live in peace with them. Sometimes I let my anger get the better out of me but I need it because I’m human. I cannot be not angry.

I’m not even 18 yet but I sound like I’m about to die. I know that fully well but I guess it’s because many things that I have is I pressed myself to do it. Self
Motivation. I force myself to forgive people for I’m not that perfect either. I f make myself nicer to people because i don’t like seeing others unhappy. But I cannot force myself to change my principles for people’s sake. That where the difference lies.

I think i should stop my thoughts before I get too in depth and just depress myself .

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……..

Back here again! without a job hahaha.

Why? i was fired. Kind of embarassing to admit it but yes i was fired because i am not suitable for the telemarketing job. Actually i am more relieved that it happened because i was quite unhappy since i know that i am not suitable and the lady boss was dropping hints that i should just quit.
But i only worked there for one day, so if i just quit, it feels like i am weak.
I was planning to try for another few days and then…..quit.
Fired over sms though…

So i have been searching and applying for jobs since then and so far i am not successful 😦
I really want to earn some money this holiday and so i shall not give up!

Hopefully my next blog post will bring good news ! 🙂

Why???

Why must you always sound right when u are in the wrong too?
Why must you use hurtful words to injure me?
Why just you give up when I didn’t ?
Why must you have this reactive attitude where you behave according to how people treat you?
Why must you let circumstances rule your life?
Why is your tone different whenever you speak to us as compared to your family – i want that tone too
Why must you always be so stubborn?
Why can’t you let go of the past and forgive?
Why can’t you look forward to the future?

Why am I so affected by you?
Why do I yearn to see you laugh or smile ?
Why am I so easily hurt by you?
Why am I hoping for a miracle?
Why do I tell myself to change?
Why do i make more effort?
Why do I want your encouragement ?
Why do I get angry ?
Why do I cry?

Because I love you like I love my mom. You are the main female figure since I’m stayin with you.
I look up to you as how people look up to their mom.
I yearn for your love, your encouragement.
I do not want your sarcastic words.
I want to see you laugh.
I do not want you to keep focusing on past hurts.
If I can let go, why couldn’t you?
I want to be a good daughter to you .
How long must this misery go on before you and I can be finally close??
I cried secretly so many times because I know that things can be better, but it seems impossible.
If you give up, how am I going to continue on hoping?
I may be very bad and rude to you in the past. But past is past!
Do not let that ruin the future ok?

Found a Job:D

Thank God 😀

I have found a tele job with Prudential.
My job role is to call and schedule appointments with prospective clients
I will work from 12 to 6pm, $7 per hour on weekdays.
I will be starting this Thursday 🙂
I am really happy because i can finally earn some money on my own.
I will be working till 10 Oct probably.

As i get older, as the world gets colder, i realize i must be totally independent on my own. I must do everything by myself because i cannot be assured that others will help. Its not being cynical but being realistic. I rather be on my own , knowing the purpose of what i am doing then following the crowd and doing something that i find it not meaningful.

From now on, i will try my best to make an effort to be more grateful and thankful for everything i had. To focus on what is here and not the things that are no longer here anymore.