A new journey is about to begin soon

I have just officially graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic on Monday, collecting my diploma cert on stage.

For me the main focus on that ceremony is not the collecting of cert part but more of finding friends to take photos to celebrate and appreciate each other. I am so glad that i was able to take photos with almost all of my friends whom i am thankful to God for being able to know them in poly. It is not what distinctions or what i have studied that is the most valuable but the people whom i have forged friendships with.  I am even especially glad that i am able to convey my heartfelt words to the people that i care about.

I think the 3 years in poly has helped me to become a stronger and more mature person. Through the difficulties i faced, i have learnt how to use it to become stronger and be a better person.  I believe that there is never an end to improving myself and so i shall continue.

Before i attended the graduation ceremony, i went to James Cook university to sign and accept the offer letter for a Bachelor of Arts (Psychology) degree with my family. I was kind of nervous because my dad is quite concerned about the fees which is expensive. I know that it is quite a heavy financial burden and i am praying to God for help in this. Doing my best in studying is something that i do not need to debate about, i will definitely fulfill it.  I am planning to become a counselor and i pray that my plans are what God actually wants me to do. My heart is in peace when i decided on this.

So my new journey for the next 2 years will be in James Cook university. I am excited but nervous at the same time. New environment, new people to meet. I am praying that i will meet good friends and enjoy this new journey that i embarked on.

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To be a person who says things from the heart to avoid lifetime regrets

I want to be a person who says things from the heart to people to avoid lifetime regrets.

Life is too short and unpredictable to leave any words not expressed, especially words that are heartfelt and it is about showing love to the other party.

I know that this is not going to be easy. I knew that i might get hurt deeply if things do not go that well after i said it. But i am still going to do it anyway because i do not want to miss out on a lifetime only to regret later for not saying it. I want to be bold in this aspect.

It is not to exalt myself or whatsoever but all i really want is for those people to know that i do love and care for them. If i cannot do it face to face, i will do it through social media , if i cannot contact that person somehow, i will pray to God.

Love requires vulnerability and it requires courage as well to be vulnerable. But i know that i will get stronger as i decide to be more open in showing love to the people around me for i believe that it is not by accident that i meet these people out of the whole earth. God has a purpose for me to be able to meet this people and i want to be the best that i can be for everybody that i can meet by being truly authentic.

And i know that no matter what trials i face, i can get through it because God is with me.

What a friend we have in Jesus

One of my favorite christian songs 🙂

Surrendering to God

My greatest fear is not people’s opinions of me or death but rather that I lost the intimacy with God. That I become spiritually blind to His presence.

It is definitely great when God uses me mightily for His Purpose and that I am able to maximise on my talents. But I am more fearful if I lost the intimacy with God, lost the art of being aware of His Presence and not being able to confide everything to Him.

How wonderful it is to feel and be in His Presence. That peaceful and loving feeling with that calm assurance that no matter how bad things may be, God is still next to me, holding my hand and guiding me. That feeling is something the world cannot give.

I know I am very much imperfect and I kept making the same mistakes time and time again because I am not spiritually strong enough. I tried with all my human effort to never do it again but yet I still did. And I learnt that it is only by focusing on God and surrendering everything to Him that I can overcome it. Thank you God for not abandoning me in my time of weakness and still giving me the grace to get up again.

Intimacy with God is something that the world cannot snatch away because it is a relationship between you and God. Nobody can duplicate that because the relationship is built upon the faith and love you have in Him in your circumstances you face in your own life.

I do not care much about possessions or achievements in this world because all these are nothing as compared to the relationship I have with God. Without God, my life would have been meaningless.

I am an unworthy servant who have been saved by God’s grace and I pray that my life will be a sweet offering for God. O God, forgive me for all my sins and continue to shape me into the person You want me to be day by day. Help me in my times of trials and guide me through everything as I confide everything to You.

Expectations

Expectations can be misleading when it is not made explicitly clear to the other party.

My own definition of the word expectations is being able to recognize and meet the other party’s standards by anticipating their needs first.

Common sense is actually uncommon. Just because a certain thought can come so easily to us, we assume that it can come so easily to others and this thought is actually a huge mistake. Especially so when we keep those thoughts to ourselves and judge people based on those expectations. I think it is really unfair if a person is being judged based on those “common sense” expectations that is not made explicitly clear to the other party.

Expectations must be made clear and known for any relationship to go well. Whether it being a family member, friends or even colleagues, communication is vital. Of course not all expectations are reasonable, and that is why communication is even more important. Humans are emotional creatures and it is the little things that truly counts.

We face different type of expectations from different people in whom we have different type of relationships with. It is pretty suffocating to even hear this word but it will not be if the two parties know each other well and communicates openly. When there is open communication and good relationship, the two parties won’t even be bothered by these expectations because they are able to fulfill it without any pressure for it comes out from motivation.

Expectations will definitely be unreasonable if it comes from a person’s selfish motives and bad intentions. Expectations must be based upon principles that are with integrity and love.  We must learn how to recognize what expectations are reasonable and unreasonable and be able to discuss the issue if the expectation is not reasonable  with love and respect towards the other party when necessary.

Unreasonable expectations and unclear expectations are the few major causes of relationship problems today. Therefore COMMUNICATION is really crucial.

Recently i have been reading articles about relationship stuff such as the 7 traits of a happy person, 5 ways you know you have a best friend etc etc. I agree with the points in the article but then i wondered if the article is really being a good influence onto society.

I feel that when a person read all these type of articles, somehow the person will subconsciously begin to remember those points and subconsciously use it to evaluate other person because to him/her, the points seems pretty common sense. The person will somehow start using those points as a guide to measure if the other party is really fulfilling all those common sense points. And if the other party didn’t somehow fulfill some points then the person will feel disappointed and it may negatively impact the relationship. Because right from the start, the person did not realize that he/she subconsciously use those points as a measurement and did not make clear his/her needs or wants to the other person.

As much as these articles looks good from first glance, these articles could prove damaging if the reader is not self aware enough and subconsciously starts using it to evaluate others or even worse evaluate his/her own self worth based on those points. Remember that the people who wrote those articles are imperfect themselves too. Self worth or evaluating a relationship should not be judged based on those outside societal measurements but rather from your own principles and values. Just because a person did not do a certain thing or act a certain way according to the articles, it does not mean that they do not love you or are not your best friend or you are not a happy person etc etc. It is absolutely saddening and miserable if you start comparing everything from your own life and based it on those articles because everybody experiences different things and have different lives.  So my point here is: STOP COMPARING. If you want to find something to compare, compare it against your own principles and values that you be truly authentic and loving towards yourself and others.

Self awareness is extremely important in this chaotic world today. The environment is constantly changing and you cannot be possibly changing yourself in one million ways to fit into this chaotic environment. You have to form your own identity and be true to yourself. Recognize that not all expectations are right and what the society views it as ‘normal’ may not be true as everybody faces different type of problems and have different lives. You should not set your principles based on what the society wants because you will end up miserable as society nowadays are no longer a ‘we’ attitude but a ‘I” attitude. Society in general is selfish. Love and integrity, these two values will never fail.

Sharing those type of articles online on social media does not necessarily mean that everybody will read and follow those points listed in the articles. And those points in the articles may not be even right in the first place, read and examine the points carefully for it may be a cleverly disguised selfish human motive.  Therefore do not trust everything you read. Therefore holding onto the right principles is crucial otherwise you may be placing subconscious expectations on others without you even knowing it. Just read it causally and do not take it seriously.

Money is to be used and not to be owned

Today is Mothers’ Day. thankfully i did not let it pass with regrets this time.

Spontaneously decided to treat my mum to lunch and get a small gift for my stepmom. I am kind of relieved and glad that i did it. Thank God.

Today’s sermon is pretty interesting, the topic is about money even though it is Mothers’ Day. But i learnt something important and i hope that i can remember this for the rest of my life.

1. Money does not belong to us, but belong to God. We are God’s stewards (managers) who are entrusted with responsibility to use our money wisely.

2. Money is not a master, it is simply a tool to do things. You cannot serve God and money at the same time.

3. Money is not ours to own but we owe it to meet the needs of others.

4. Money becomes waste when you keep it to yourself, refusing to help others or spending excessively on stuff that is temporal.

5. Money is one of the major ways that God uses people to richly bless and help others who are in need, and although it may not seem much but it has eternal value that we may not know it ourselves.

6. God uses everybody whether they have much or little for His purpose and no comparison is ever needed. Do not feel insignificant because you have little or be arrogant because you have much. For everything belongs to God and we must give an account to Him on how we have used our money responsibly.

Looking at these 6 facts, it seems hard to do it just through natural motivations because we are imperfect and we are so tempted to just use our money however we want it to be. But it is possible because God lives in us through His Holy Spirit and as long as we continue to stay close to Him, reading His word and being conscious of Him every day, it can be done.

I am not very good with money. Especially when it comes to buying things, because i do not like details so i just buy the thing immediately without comparing prices elsewhere. When it comes to giving tithes, i am not sure whether i really give 10 percent because i do not calculate how much i am really receiving…Laziness that sums it all.

Before today, i didn’t think that money could be such a big deal in how it could be used by God to touch people’s lives. Yes i know money can change people lives significantly in the physical sense but it could also impact people’s lives spiritually and emotionally.

Feeling guilty that i had not been handling my money wisely. I will strive to be more aware and use my money more wisely with God’s help because there is no way i can do this alone.

Still struggling

There are some struggles that i am facing for many years up till now. And all these struggles are not going to be gone overnight. I know that some things take time and this specific struggle is going to take time.

I feel like a failure every time when Mothers’ Day or Father’s Day come around. Because i am not close to any of my parents and i have been unable to show much affection to them because i am having my own inner problems. It is not like i do not love them but rather i have closed off myself too long till the point where i find it extremely difficult to show my affection to them. My heart is brimming with love but i just cannot bring it up to the surface. Maybe part of the reason is also due to my past conflicts with them that till now had left some marks on me.

Going to church every year and then hearing the message for Mother’s Day and seeing the mums in church being honored and seeing the children being able to openly show their affection without any hindrance makes me feel terribly upset with myself.  When people ask or discuss their plans on how they plan to celebrate for their own mothers and here i am, just sending a simple text message wishing because i do not know what else i could do.

I do not know what my mum really wants because i have not lived with her for the past 10 years and we have not been that close as i am growing up since then. This year for her birthday, i asked her what she want and gave her my budget because i am not working yet, but in the end she asked me to give her money so she could get a branded perfume for herself. It makes me feel like i am being used instead of being the giver and giving it out of sincerity. I really want to give out of sincerity but the situation turns out to be rather wrong instead.

Towards my stepmom, i feel even more guilty and have more feelings because we lived together for the past 10 years. But we are not close also because of the past conflicts and our hearts are kind of bitter towards each other. On my part i have been trying to do better, to be better but from time to time whenever i see her bitter attitude, i feel discouraged instead. It has always been my greatest wish that we can be close one day and i have always been praying to God about this.

Yes i may look like i am being cold and indifferent by not showing any physical affection towards my parents, but deep down inside i really do not want it to be like this. I am struggling.

Daily Post: Pick Me Up

What is the one word or phrase that immediately cheers you up when you hear it?

For me the one phrase that cheers me up immediately would be,” Thank you”

Thank you is one of the simplest form of appreciation towards somebody and it makes that person feel useful and happy.

Of course i have many other phrases that cheer me up too but thank you is the most general term used in appreciating somebody and you do not have to be close to someone to hear that phrase.

My other phrases that cheers me up are more personal and the significance is there if the person knows me well.

Examples include:

“Thank you for being simply who you are.” This phrase is a huge booster to encouraging people to be themselves freely without feeling insecure.

“I love you.” Three simple words but the value behind it is impossible to gauge. Actions must flow from that for the words to be truly impactful.

There are other ways that cheers me up too. Whether it be sending a simple text of encouragement or a good friend wanting to catch up with the latest happenings in my life, all these make me feel loved.

My love language are words of affirmation and quality time. Of course i would be happy to receive love in the other three ways but my most preferred way of being love are those two. 🙂