A self potrait

Taken from http://www.careerplanner.com/Berens-Nardi/INFJ-SelfPortrait.cfm

The quest for more knowledge, the meaning of life, the philosophical questions—my mind is always occupied, and what’s exciting is when I get to follow through with an insight and do something. I am an abstract future thinker, looking at things from different perspectives. I’m about the relationships and possibilities and enjoy anything with deeper meaning that leaves me wondering, with more questions to ask and things to untangle. Connecting for me means being able to intuitively ask questions of people to get them to go deeper into the things they are talking about.
Inspiring others, helping them find their purpose or meaning, being a different kind of leader from what’s traditional—that’s really gratifying. I just do that naturally. The challenge is opening up people’s minds to have their own original thoughts. I’m a listener and guide.

I think I am a mystery to people. They never really understand me and part of me enjoys that. More often though, I long to be understood.
I tend to approach my day with a structured way of getting things accomplished. People see me as organized, thorough, and easy to get along with, pulling my own weight and eager to help out when called upon. But I’m not as outgoing or as critical as I may sometimes appear. I need a balance between people contact and working on creative projects and will break away from interactions when I get tired out. If I don’t have some long-term goals, then what’s the point?

I tend to intuitively read people very quickly, but I have to be cautious not to make assumptions. I’m an observer. I get a feeling when people are interesting, and I watch from a distance, make some assessments about the situation, and then approach them and engage in conversation. I put a little bit out and a little more and see how that goes. Do I trust and like them, are they who they say? I have a few deep friendships. A friendship comes best when it is worked to develop that investment. I quickly pick up on sincerity and withdraw if the person is superficial or obviously doesn’t care. When I see people who abuse their power or won’t stand behind what they say, that ticks me off. It’s about integrity. I feel other people’s feelings, and taking on that burden can make me too intense and serious, where I can’t be spontaneous and fun loving.

I like whatever gets us to think beyond the box, where people can function better because they are not afraid to say things they really feel. I have a lot of imagination and by and large can amuse myself. I love independent projects and reading and writing. I do my best thinking alone, and I like getting out in nature, being alone to go inside and center myself. I have always been drawn to the spiritual. Everywhere, I see life in symbols. Symbols give me focus. Sometimes the connections and perceptions in my mind are so abstract there are no words to explain. A lot of times I just know something and can’t explain it—a premonition that’s hard to articulate. If it’s strong I usually say something or explore where it’s coming from, but I will keep it to myself if people don’t seem to understand. Informed decisions require lots of information and looking at a situation from as many different points of view as possible. I find it amusing, the absurdity in everyday situations.
It is painful when there is conflict or when I offer advice and someone chooses not to take it. For me, I have to prepare myself for what is going to happen so I can either support people in a positive way or get away and wait out the inevitable heavy duty stuff before returning to fix things. How will it impact me and the people in my life? Will it put me in another place or another level where I can grow more? Not knowing the right thing to say and do is stressful.

Everything revolves around growth. Caring is about the ability to help others grow. What I bring is caring about people, not things. If we spent more time trying to understand each other’s point of view, to communicate more effectively, we would grow. In an honest, open, sincere relationship, I can accomplish anything. My challenge is to create those kinds of relationships. I respect most the person who is willing to come forth and be an individual—to make the world a better place, or make a difference in a person’s life, where we reach each other’s hearts.


Moments like this

Have you ever have one of those moments when u are mad at someone but u are actually more mad with yourself for being mad at that person?

I do and it’s not awesome. 
Because I feel that I don’t have a right to be mad at that person. 
I may be setting high standards that I expect from that person but actually I’m the only one who will fulfil that standard because I set it myself. 
And so I cannot expect other people to reach the silent standard that I put up for them without them knowing. 
In truth I am harder on myself than on anybody else. I may complain about people but at the end of the day I will be facing myself. 
Being mad about why I’m mad at people is really a heart wrenching moment for me. It’s good to be outspoken but not blunt. Sometimes people prefer to hear the shallow gentle words than the raw emotional truth. 
Sorry if I am too blunt, I cannot hide my feelings. I just need a outlet but I will not be so blunt anymore. I will find another area. All I need actually is just to pour out at that moment and I will feel better and forget about it afterwards. 
When I plunge a knife into someone heart with my words, I actually am plunging two knives into my heart as well. 

A letter to myself

Sounds crazy isnt it? But i need it to settle for clarity in my thoughts.
Back to school, so refreshing and once again i am bombarded with school projects and work. One more year and i will graduate.

Hi Zoe,

Thanks for being here on earth, adding your own mark onto the people around you. Thanks for living well, being healthy is a blessing from God. Thanks for being strong, even though there are endless chances for you to just wallow in self pity. Thanks for being weak, for it gives you endless opportunity to grow to become a better person. Thanks for being a good elder sister, although not all the times you showed that but still you tried. Thanks for reflecting although sometimes it brings you more misery than not but it showed you where the right stuff are.

I want to encourage you to not be too strong, taking on so many responsibilities at one go. For i can see you are heavily burdened and worried. You think too much although most parts are actually worth to think about. But you are too focused on the past and the future but not the present. How can you live like this when your eyes are not focus on now. You are too busy focusing on both sides that you forget to treasure every precious moment in front of you. You are so obsessed looking at the future – your idealistic reality, but how are you going to reach there if you are not doing anything now? Your friends are always telling you to not overthink, but you still do it subconsciously. You want to relax but because you have developed a habit of overthinking, there goes your peace.

As much as there are so many things you have to do, but first take care of yourself. Breathe in the fresh air and be thankful for the little things, Laugh as much as possible, remember every joyful moment. Cast all your cares onto the Lord for He cares for you. Dont think so much on what should be but just slowly and patiently do what you can do. You cant be perfect. Give your best and things will flow. Forget the people who leave you and treasure those that are still around in your life. Stay happy and everybody will be happy too. Dont be too wrung up on how people has hurt you but rather focus on the people who enrich your life. Mistakes are inevitable but dont stay down for too long. Remember there are people who truly cares for you and if you cannot take it anymore, be willing to share your worries. You are not super woman.
I want you to know that God truly loves you for who you are and as you slowly let go your burdens to him, you will realize that He will slowly change you to the person He wants you to be.
I love you too and i will ensure that you are properly taken care of.