Laughing at all my previous posts

Hi to myself!

It has been 3 years since i last posted. Right now i am in my final year of Nanyang Poly. Next year i will graduate.
Time flies, people change, different situations, this is life. Change is constant.
Definitely i have become more mature as compared to 3 years ago, but i am still learning.
i always told myself not to become cynical in the past as i observed how unhappy adults can be.
But sometimes life often throws you off track and you cant help thinking that way too.
I am grateful that i have a God to rely on, that i have the privilege of knowing Him since young.
That indeed has given me a hope to move on and the needed strength when i fall.

I have not kept in contact with any secondary school friends except for one. I used to have a group of friends that i thought our friendship could last through life. But no it didnt, in fact my best friend broke up the friendship with me because of a silly reason. I was upset back then, till now i still cannot believe that 4 years of friendship could end just like that. But now i feel that maybe it is fine for our values were different and maybe they were not meant to be in my future. I do check up on them occasionally out of curiosity, i wish them all the best.

These past 3 years have given me a taste of how reality feels like in the outside world. But deep down i still believe that everyone is good inside, it is the environment that is causing people to be selfish and competitive. I find it even more important to cling on to hope and always look at the wide perspective. I do not want to lose myself and just be a person controlled by circumstances.

Reading my posts here is really humorous.
I do not regret though, for i am who i am today because of my past.


Ask me to change church? Not so easy..

Back here one and a half months since my last post..

Time passes really very fast and i am having my prelims this week.
Rather fornuate that i had a week to do lots of revision..
Kept practising maths…….
Tomorrow is my maths paper 1 and i hope that my effort wont be in vain..
Although i should be more concerned with my studies now……i am not really worried

I am more concerned about church matters……
My family is planning to go to other church after staying in this church for about 6 years..
I can choose to join them or else i will stay in this current church alone..
I remembered telling myself sliently a few years ago that i want to help bulid up a stronger church
I want to see my church grow..REALLY GROW IN SPIRIT AND Unity
Although i am helping out in small ways……….
This desire was further fuellled by a kind of big event that took place years ago
Familes were moving out of the church to join other bigger churches
I could not ever forget how the atmosphere was like when it occured
The sadness shown by my pastor motivate me to stay on and help out..
I did not expect my family to change..
But it is going to happen….
For now i am not leaving even though that church looks more appealing
I believe that since that church is already flourishing..
I should devote my time to my current help it flourish
I could not bear to just dump everything and follow..
Because i had already placed my heart into this church..
I treasure the relationships that i had made
and i am not going to let go…

I got nothing to hide!

Today is a pretty long day for me..

Attending tutorials and more tutorials already depleted half of my enegry……

Thank God its a current liablility ..hehe POA

Well i am not so bothered with the fact that i have tutorials…
After all i should be used to it by now…

Today i ended my friendship with shimin….
It ended on a slient but bad note………..i totally ignored her and oh well..spoken some unkind words…
I just could not keep this anger anymore………
All i know is this friendship MUST End! I do not want to spend the last few months of my secondary school life stressing over friendship problems.
She had been giving me the cold shoulder today, giving me an obvious hint that somehow she or i got to end it..
Well ending this friendship is a good thing for both of us…….at least there will be no more hurts or quarrels.
Obviously i would be pretty sad, considering the fact that she and I has been friends for 4 years…and it had to end this way..
I tried countless times to save it…….however my efforts were in vain..
She did not tell me what her problem with me was…….
So i was rather hurt when i have to hear it coming from someone else and not from her personally……
I admit that i was part of the reason..
I sometimes neglected her by talking to other people..
Tends to be too frank also……
Communication is vital to any relationship..
Apparently we did not communicate well enough..
Although this friendship has ended..that does not mean i hate her……
I did not ever regret that this friendship existed..
I regret that it has to end this way..
Well through this friendship, i has learnt many things…….
Communication is VERY Important!
That is the main lesson…………
Sometimes its hard to be frank when telling out your problems…..
But that will strengthen the relationship

My purpose in life…

I have decided to use this blog as an place where i unleash all my thoughts 
The other blog will be just about the relationship between me and God……

Reason is that if i were to use the other blog as a place where i unleash all my thoughts…….
People may be offended if they saw it……i also am unsure how would they be offended….
So this livejournal blog is the best place for me to put everything down without having any worries
So far only two people knew that this blog still existed…….:)

My purpose in life was actually to be part of God’s plan..serving Him
Right now i still have no idea where i am supposed to be going….
Soon i am going to leave secondary school and i have to decide on my path…
Junior college or Polytechnic??
During the beginining of the year..i had already made up my mind to go junior college…….
However thanks to the school organising polytechnic talks ……….
But right now my mind is inclined towards taking the polytechnic route…….taking psychology…..
At either Ngee Ann or Temasek Polytechnic…..
Well i might choose ngee ann polytechnic although its so far away from my house
Reason being i want to go into a new environment…….
I know that if i go Temasek poly, i will see many of my ex secondary school mates…..and i do not like it.
Why i choose psychology???
Well i felt that if i take up psychology and i graduate with a diploma…i can enter into many sectors like business or education and many more..the choices are wide…

Polytechnic life is defintely different from Junior college..
No more school uniform
No more waking up so early in the morning
Freedom of choosing what to wear…

I am a laid back person………
I might get frustated by the fact that i have to think of what to wear every single day….
That the only main problem i have…….

I will leave this to God to decide…..for now study and more study!


Every single day the sun rises and sets………..
But yet our feelings continously changes……we could be happy one day and sad one day…..
All humans are like that…we all have feelings..
But what sets us apart from one another??
Physical looks yes……….but what is more important is our character…….
What defines our character??
Family background
Values that were taught by our parents..
Friends influence……..
These are all external factors that contributed to defining our own unique character…
But ultimately
Its our personal decisions
Our willingness to learn, to fogive, to accept
That we grow emotionally…….

After being in Loyang Secondary for nearly 4 years……….i learnt lots of things
Even though i dislike it for the fact that the school looks old……and all the physical environmental factors……
The friends or classmates i made infulence me and shape me into the way i am today..
Came into Secondary school as an introvert and super sensitive person……well i was also naive..
Was bullied, taunted, betrayed by classmates and friends……..thank God not beaten up..haha
Though these people might now know it…….i grow to be mentally and emotionally stronger….
They were actually helping me somehow……
I learnt from all these…became more confident and outspoken….however still an introvert..
I choose the positive side …….
Depsite all these unpleasant incidents..i made good friends too..
Friends that will assist me whenever i need help….

I am going to thank someone here…………Fatin ………….(this sounds so mushy..currently having goosebumps)
But no matter what you deserve it…..
Thank you for being a loyal friend to me
Thank you for being kind to me…… stop claiming you are selfish
You taught me how to stay calm in unpleasant situations
You taught me that happiness is not defined by materialistic things..all we need is just to enjoy small simple life pleasures..
You are a great listener……….(sometimes i wonder why you do not get irriated by some of my complaints)
You shape me more than you ever know……your impact on me was great
I could never find somemore more awesome than you…..
No words can ever describle my graditiude towards you……
As we take on O-level together……always remember i am a call away……
I cannot imagine what will happen on the day of taking O-level results……..
But be fully assured that i will never forsake you:)

The reason why i never delete this account

 Answer is very simple………..nobody knows that this livejournal existed except for Joana:)

So that means i can pour out my heart and soul here…….

O-level is approaching with such a fast intensity that i cannot afford to waste any more time..

At the beginning of this year, i told myself to not get too involved with friendship problems… I will concentrate on my studies instead..
Well i did not manage to follow through with what i had orginally said..
I find myself  mulling over this kind of problems………..and i call it dumb..
But i cant help it as this concerns the 4 years friendship that i had cultivated with 2 friends..
Only to realise that it had gone into waste……by what i found out yesterday…
Their names are shimin and qian ying…….
These two people have been friends with me since secondary 1
Well in any friendship,..disputes will occur due to different personalities…….however it will not last forever…
I forget all those unpleasant incidents……….however shimin and qian ying did not…
They kept it right down inside their hearts and gossip about me………
I knew there were some things that they did not like me for…
But i really detest their way of solving things…
They did not let  me know that they were unhappy with me…
In front of me they acted like okay…behind my back…i cannot imagine..
I am hurt…i found this out by another classmate who was concerned for my situation…
Basically their reasons why they dislike me are from small simple things that slowly bulit up over time…
I did very well for my SA2 last year……………..
Obviously i would rejoice………..however shimin was unhappy…..
That is one of the many examples……………and that is so minnor……..
Oh well
Joana…i guess you will be the only one who would ever see this post…….well……..thats good…….cuz i trust you:)

I have moved to

I have moved to

To say the truth, this month has been pretty usel…

To say the truth, this month has been pretty useless for me.
I didnt used my holidays wisely…all i did was to read and read books full of detective stories until i am starting to get tired of it,
And now only just 2 more weeks and school will open and i become a upper secondary 3 student!
5 more days to MY BIRTHDAY and i am specially looking forward to it.
Finally that day is coming…i has been waiting for a year. Ya i know that everyone waits a year for it but it seems to me that for those who were born in the middle of the year….they wont feel that know?
Christmas is only 3 days away and of course it is a special day but i dont have that festive feeling.
Asked my dad whether he has any plans and he just dont have.
Yesterday i watched the soccer match between singapore and vietnam. Singapore was doing better defintely compared to the first leg semi final. Singapore dominated the match and there were plenty if chances for singapore to score but then suddenly vietnam did a counter attack and by a stroke of luck they scored. I was clearly shocked at this revelation, no one expects it to turn out this way. And then suddenly just everything goes wrong. My sister was scolded for not sleeping on time and my stepmum starts insulting her on her results which i was clearly angry but didnt make any comments. My dad intervened and it ended on a sour note. Sometimes to say the truth, i feel that the standards my stepmum make is too hard for herself and even much more on us.
Anyway i loved to watch soccer….english premiership. No, i dont support any team…not really.
Okay i got to go…turning 10pm…time for sleep….

Life is especially a bore for me if i am at home….

Life is especially a bore for me if i am at home….

Whenever i am at home, i only got these few things to do: eat,sleep, read books, bathe and watch tv.
Cause other than all this, i dont have other things to do.
And oh yeah i also use computer for 1 hour only. Nothing more and nothing less.
Thank God that tomorrow is saturday, the weekend is here.
But i am not going to be like this forever, i must try to do something different, get some fresh air.
I want to go back to library! Return my eight books as i had read finish all of them, get new ones. To keep me busy doing study time.
I know if my life is going to go on like this……..i am gonna die of boredom……..
Wanna go out with fatin again…….or a friend…………… save me.
3 more weeks and i will be in school as a new secondary 3 student, ready to face all the challenges head-on!

Happy Birthday Second Aunt…!!I didnt post for t…

Happy Birthday Second Aunt…!!

I didnt post for the past few days as i am sort of..lazy. Yesterday was my grandmother birthday so we went out to tampines mall. My youngest uncle is finally taller than me. He is only a year older than me, can you believe that? I had been taller than him from 2005 till this year. Of course he is defintely happy about it, his height is 168 while mine is about 165-166. I do hope that i can still grow taller.
Ate lunch in a steamboat…fine i dont know what is that called as i had  forgotten. It involves taking raw food and cooking it yourself..something like that. There are a variety of food and somemore you can eat as much as you want so i ate a lot..and spent quite a long time there..relaxing. Played psp as well.
Recently i started thinking more of the future, about what i am going to be because of something secret. This secret is defintely going to impact me and of course people around me. As much as i want to spell it out, i cant because i am commanded not to. Time will tell so i dont really need to spell it out. I just cant help smiling at the thought of it.
Next year is going to be a challenging year for me. O-Levels is coming soon as i am turning into a secondary 3 student. New classmates and also SYF. Examinations also … subjects. Defintely i got to learn the importance of time management..haha
Okay i better go now..need to send a email to my second aunt…bb

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