Season of breaking 

When I left my first job 2 months back, I left in a discouraged state. I saw that my faith wasn’t strong in God at all to keep me going on in that place. That fiery trial showed how weak my faith was and I knew that I need to strengthen my faith and get my act back together before entering the next job. 

However I didn’t expect that my inner core will be shaken so badly that even till now I’m still in the process of recovering. So far I have not been receiving much responses from the jobs that I have been applying to and I know why. God will not give me the job until I truly surrender my life to Him and receive the healing that I needed.

I see that my life is never mine to control. My life belongs to God. Seeking God is the first priority. I don’t have to be afraid of not getting a job since I am serving a mighty God who has already planned out my future in His loving hands. His primary aim for me in this season is not for me to get another job, but to trust in Him and let Him take over my life fully. 

I see that my old ways of dealing with stress is not working well for me anymore. I have to rely on God completely and trust in His word to overcome all the anxious thoughts I have everyday. Nobody else and no objects can give me the healing I needed, only God can. But before the healing comes, He is breaking me first. It is not nice to be in the state of being broken, I feel pain and I feel like I am going to collapse. However in the midst of all this, I still find the strength to go on due to God’s grace. I do not know how long this process will take. I will continue to trust in Him and worship Him. Finding a job is no longer my primary aim, healing and knowing God intimately in my heart is my primary aim. I know that I will get stronger after this breaking because I will go into a deeper level of intimacy with God. I just need to have more faith and trust no matter how things in the natural looks and how I may feel.

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