Detour

According to the Webster dictionary, the meaning of detour is the act of going or traveling to a place along a way that is different from the usual or planned way. Detours are unplanned and usually make people feel uncomfortable first. Detours causes people to change plans, to rethink and recalculate how to find a new way to the destination. Uncertainty either causes people to feel scared and stop or pushes people to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zone.

God has given me a detour on my career choices and up till now i still do not know exactly what i am going to do in the future. I mentioned that i want to be a counselor but this decision is not fixed. But i know that i do not have to worry much for my life is in God’s hands.

Back in 2010, i had plans to go to study business and social enterprise in Ngee Ann Poly. This was made after i felt God put these two words, ‘social enterprise’ into my heart. I was doing pretty well in secondary school and i thought that i could make it in. But my O’level results came out bad, and i questioned God on why did it turn out that way. After all if God wanted me to go work in that area, He should have helped me get in at least.

Eventually i got over it and went to study business in Nanyang Poly.I did not hate business, in fact i felt that it had prepared me for the working world. I am thankful to God for it. Nevertheless i knew that working fully in the business world is not my thing for i want to work with people, talk to them and help them. My joy comes from that.

I was thinking of studying social work after poly. But the only type of degree available is part time and that means i will have to work in the day and study at night. That was too tiring for me so i opted to study psychology instead. From wanting to be a social worker to wanting now to be a counselor, i get confused at times. My plan for now at least is to graduate with this undergrad degree, work for a few years and then pursue a Masters of Counselling to be a counselor.

But still i felt that my plans are vague and could change anytime. In the past and even now sometimes, i pray that God will tell me exactly what He wants me to do.

I don’t exactly remember how i got this insight which is sometimes God does not reveal everything to us because we are not fully prepared yet and telling us may make us afraid and not being able to fulfill the calling instead.

God gave us detours for a reason, which is to let us acquire fundamental skills and values which are valuable and beneficial to us for life through difficult times. If He had let us go on smoothly, we might not be prepared enough to face whatever challenges our future may bring. So there is a no need to compare my path with that of my peers, for everybody’s path is unique and different. Whether they have gotten ahead of me does not make much difference to me because my life purpose is determined by God. My responsibility is to stay close to Him

So now i am still on a detour, not exactly sure what i will be working as in the future. But i know that everything works out for good for which God has call us to. I thank God for this detour, for i cannot imagine what i will be like without it.

Refreshed

For the past month i have been struggling with the sense of inferiority as a leader. I felt that i do not have the capability to lead at all. I am fearful when i think about the future. Even though i know that God is with me in this but this feeling still crept up.

I thank God for the opportunity to attend the Global Leadership Summit which was held yesterday and today. The opportunity to learn from great leaders from all over the world from church leaders to business leaders. They shared on the problems and struggles they faced as leaders and how they overcome them with God’s grace. That is when i learnt that i am not alone in feeling the way i felt.

Most importantly i learnt that God’s grace is sufficient enough for me to accomplish whatever He has set out for me to do.

Practical tips were also shared on how to manage people and how to unlock their potential. The highest calling of leadership is to unlock human potential. I totally agree with that for i personally believe that everybody has potential within them and with the right resources and time, everybody can truly rise up to their fullest potential. Deep down personally i want to see people dream dreams and achieve it, i want to see people living their lives enthusiastically. That is one of the main reasons why i want to be a counselor or to work in a field that helps people.

As much as i am passionate to make it happen, i know that i cannot do it on my own. I cannot do it on my own because i am not perfect and limited in human ability. But i know that when i depend on God, i can do it because He is a mighty God with endless resources.

I can’t but i can. For when i am weak, than i am strong.

Thank you God.

Getting burnt out

Before i start on this topic, i just want to say that my holidays has been really fruitful for me. I thank God for it. The opportunity to catch up with friends i have not met in a while and also being able to indulge in my hobbies freely makes me really happy. A pity holidays are ending and my new semester starts officially next week. But i am only starting on next Friday because of my timetable and i am skipping school for one day to attend the Global Leadership Summit. So i am not really starting school yet šŸ™‚

I feel that i get burnt out pretty easily, especially when i think about all the different things i have to do. I have a tendency to keep thinking of what things i have to get done first before i can really relax. In a way, i won’t procrastinate because i will be bothered by the fact that its not done but i will be pretty stressed out too.

For me to function at my best, it is when i am able to do some things with my utmost concentration. I cannot have nothing to do because i will get really restless and feel that life is meaningless. I cannot have too many things going on either because i cannot focus well. So i need to be able to find that balance and prioritize things around it so that i don’t burn out.

But realistically life will not be so accommodating, in fact it is the opposite. I do rely on God’s grace to get me through most of the time. But sometimes i will suddenly feel depressed for no reason at all. Thoughts like why am i trying so hard will be popping into my head. That is when i realized that I am still stuck in my old habit of trying to do everything on my own strength.

I am trying to let God take the lead but sometimes it is not that i don’t dare to give up control, it is because of the situations and the people in it that leaves me with no choice but to take control. I won’t deny this fact. And also because i am a sensitive person, so i will often take control so that the situation will have a good outcome for all.

It is my overthinking and my sensitivity that will make me burn out, it is not the number of things i have to do. My desire to make sure that everything turns out well is causing me to fall instead. I am not a perfectionist, i just want to make sure everything goes as planned.

So yes i admit that i am still struggling. But i know that as long as i stay close to God, eventually i will get better and better.

Thoughts about Leaders’ Retreat

The 2 days 1 night Leaders’ Retreat has been really wonderful and fruitful for everybody.

It is not exactly a retreat, it is more like a camp instead.

It is my first time going, i have no idea what to expect.

Throughout the retreat, there were many discussions and talks about the future of the church. I feel uplifted as i witness the unity and desire to do God’s purpose being shared by all the leaders. I believe that God’s hand was upon the leaders and i have faith that the Church can truly live out her purpose with this kind of unity. As leaders get together sincerely and do their best for God, the members will be more encouraged to do so too.

I am a new leader and there are still so many things that i need to learn. What i am glad is that i have people to turn to for help. This is what a church should be about. A community that includes everybody, helps each other and love God with all of their heart, mind and body.

After the retreat, i become more uplifted in spirit and i want to make an intentional effort to make God the first priority in my life.

Intentional effort, yes i must be intentional if i want to be close to God.

Holidays, not exactly a month of rest

I have been looking forward to October ever since i started university in June.

The month of holidays are finally here. I am happy and contented now. But i didn’t expect that this month will be a really busy month.

Usually meeting friends that i have not seen in a while will be a top priority for me because i treasure the friendships i had with them. Those friendships are usually on one to one conversations which i do best at. So this is one activity that i will be doing this month on weekdays.

I also have church activities to go to. My role as a leader has required me to attend a two days leaders retreat this weekend, global leadership summit in end Oct and to plan on what to say during the annual team meeting in mid Oct.

I definitely have to go for cell group meetings too which happens on the 2nd and 4th week of every month. And then i just happened to sign up for a church class because they needed a projectionist and i was a bit interested in the course which will take up 4 Sunday afternoons starting from 12 Oct.

So i do not have much time to just be doing nothing at home or rather have more time alone.

I do not regret at all definitely because these activities are important to me. Strengthening relationships with people and improving myself.

I just hope that i will be mentally and emotionally refreshed by the time the second semester of university begins.

Still worrying over my critical thinking skills for essays. Not sure how to exactly improve on that.

One step at a time.