God’s timing and plan, not mine

I am still in this season of learning to wait upon God when it comes to job search.

It is a struggle for me because i am so tempted to act ahead of God or just be led by my insecurities and rashly apply for something else altogether. God’s timing is not calculated by my sense of timing. I am learning to trust in Him, turn to Him consciously each time when the chatters of doubt gets into my head and praise Him in all my circumstances. I believe that even though i cannot see things happening in the natural, there are things definitely moving in the spiritual realm which is my faith in God and how i grow to depend on Him.

What are my fears and struggles?

  1. Having to answer my dad when he ask about my job search. He does not know that i have switched back to applying for jobs in social service field. I am only intending to tell him after i have gotten an interview for social work or some sort. I feel like i need to come up with a solid explanation for the switch back because he will bring back my first job experience and question me on my readiness for it.
  2. I have to admit that i am bad at waiting especially since i am doing nothing much productive in the worldly sense.
  3. I do not know very specifically what i want to do or where to go. All i know is i want to do God’s will. I am interested in the social work role but i do not have the basic right qualifications to apply. I am interested in working with youths and families. I am hoping to get a assistant role or some sort so that i can build up my skills and experience. I am intending to earn some money first by getting a full time job before pursuing further studies in social work field.

This is where all my chatters in my head begins. There are many suggestions and options which is kind of driving me insane. Like working in another form of capacity in the social work field? I did think and research about it but i do not have really much interest in other roles. Or getting a job first and earn the money before pursuing further studies and work in social work? I tried going back to HR field, i did not do so well for the interviews because my heart is clearly not there. Or getting different temp jobs? I feel uncomfortable at this idea and i feel that God does not want me to go into this direction. Volunteering? I honestly do not know whether to head in this direction yet.

I have applied for quite a number of job applications by faith. I am still waiting for positive responses. I have turned down other types of job opportunities offered by recruitment agencies and tell them that i am solely concentrating on social work field.

God wants me to be still and let Him take the lead. If i want to do God’s will, then i have to be willing to let Him take total control and wait upon Him. It is my first time that everything is really out of my hands. I have to get myself out of the way and rest fully assured that He will give me a job in his time because He is a loving God who has my eternity in His hands.

Meanwhile i have been spending my weekday mornings worshiping God first before doing anything else. I need to know what it means to have God’s love deep down in my heart, I need to know who God is and discipline myself to follow Him. My afternoons are spent on looking and applying for jobs if there are any and just do my own usual stuff. My evenings are spent on looking to God again to strengthen my faith in Him. Those chatters in my head comes by daily and i have to consciously choose to fix my eyes on God and declare His love and promises to shut those doubts down. It is a daily battle and i know i have to take this one day at a time. It is just a struggle because i cannot come up with any concrete answer other than saying that i know that God will make a way for me.

To be still is not an natural effort, it takes whole faith and assurance in knowing the love and nature of God which i am still learning even as i do not see anything happening in the natural. I find it pretty amazing and humbled by how God still choose to save, love and partner with humans to accomplish His Will for heaven and earth together because we are all really very flawed and our motives are not so pure by nature.

How God still loves me, hears and answers my prayers when i am such a imperfect human being with a heart that gets shaken to and fro with doubts and my sinful nature. The cross on which Jesus died for our sins that pave the way for everybody regardless of status and intelligence to be able to go to God freely because God loves us too much to leave us to die. How God uses all our messes and write out beautiful stories, how he can still bring His perfect purposes to pass and be accomplished even if we may have went to the wrong direction, it is a beautiful mystery that is too wonderful to be understood.

God, i just need you and that is enough to satisfy all the unanswered questions. Help me to experience and know You for who You say You are. I am walking with You on this journey together and i pray that You will show yourself to be real and mighty in my life, that people can see that it is not me who write my own story, it is You writing my story, not my efforts but by Your supernatural power. Thank you for being so loving and gentle towards me, gently prodding me into the right direction even when i do not know that i was going into the wrong direction at times. I belong to You so i have no right to my life, I am Yours.

 

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