Operating from a faith paradigm

After the disappointing setback from my first job, I have actually entered into a low phrase. I felt really disappointed with the way things have turned out and i came face to face with the fact that i am actually not strong enough and i have certain false expectations towards the job.

I told everybody and myself included that i will go back to find HR jobs first to build up my professional capabilities and i will go back into social service in the future when i am more equipped professionally and personally. HR is not a bad choice, after all i do have some previous working experience in that field.

However my passion is not in HR, it is still related to social service field. I thought that i can always come back to my passion later. But there is this sense of discontent within me that refuses to go away. I applied for HR jobs with no feelings, it is really just finding a match between my qualifications and what they need. I went for 3 HR interviews with no success, and the main reason is because my passion is not showing across during the interview as much as i tried to. Interviews are about selling yourself well right? I just could not fake my passion or myself.

I reached to a point whereby i tell God that i honestly do not know what to do with my life. I told God i surrender all to Him, but my meaning of surrender is actually me giving up in an air of defeat. I just could not see where i am going. I tried applying for HR jobs mostly is because i want a comfortable life although my passion is not there. However i realized that i cannot work in a job with no passion. As much as i tried to ignore this passion factor, it disturbs me a lot inside and it is my downfall in interviews because i cannot fake it.

I cannot run away from the calling that God has placed into my heart. The desire to help the vulnerable in society is still going strong inside me even though i got badly burnt by my first job experience. My first job experience taught me a lot of things and revealed to me the danger of placing too much of my self-worth in work. I realized that in my pursuit of finding a meaningful job, i have tied my self-worth to that too. That is partly why i got so discouraged badly when my first job experience ended badly. My identity as a child of God is not strong enough to sustain me in difficult moments. I believe that God allowed that job experience to refine me and show me parts of myself that needs to be strengthened. I also was not ready to make personal sacrifices, i wanted a comfortable life whereby i can leave work at work and have time for myself to do what i want to do.

It is a personal struggle. It is either my will or God’s will. Since secondary school, i have told God that my life’s purpose is to fulfill the purpose that He has called me for. Social work were the two words placed into my heart when i was 16 even though i am clueless about it back then. The desire to help others started from there. It was the reason why I pursued psychology in university even though i had previously studied business in poly. I could have pursued a social work degree, but back then i could not make it in due to age and the circumstances i was in. I still want to do God’s Will and i have to be ready to give up all that i have to follow Him. My heart is already captured by the unconditional grace and love that God has given and i cannot ignore His calling.

Luke 9: 62

Jesus replied,” No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God.”

Luke 14: 26-27

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

Am i willing to give up all that i have to serve God? Loving God is putting Him above my needs and desires. God will take care of all that i need and the people that i care for. It is a matter of faith and trust in a God who has already secured my future.

Romans 8: 28-39

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns?No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[b]

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[c] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have decided to follow Christ. I am going to solely concentrate my focus on looking for social service jobs. The path will be tough but nothing is impossible with God on my side. I am learning to wait upon God. Which means i am not eagerly rushing or anxious to apply for jobs the minute i see it, but to turn it all over to Him in prayer and to live life joyfully. The past few weeks i have been living in a state of worry, like as if i do not have God. It is so easy to go into a state of worry because the world is full of demands. This is where i choose to live differently. God is so so much bigger than the mountains i am facing now. He will definitely provide me a job soon. It is the process that matters more not the destination, and i am learning how to live out from a faith paradigm. I do not have to fret when i see gloomy news because i serve a faithful and mighty God. I need to learn to rest upon His promises in His Word for He is my Hope.

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