Time to start being more focused and disciplined

Recently i felt that God wants me to change my priorities, to remove activities that are not so important and to spend more time with Him.

A couple of weeks ago, there was an altar call for people who wants to be used by God fully in reaching out to people and helping them (not solely just for evangelical purposes). I was really hesitant to go up to the front actually because nobody went up yet and i do not want everybody to look at me when i go up  and i am just basically struggling with my pride. In the end i went up because i know deep down that my calling is linked to helping people and some people also went up front too. So the guest pastor started praying for everybody in the front, speaking out God’s message specifically for each individual. When he prayed for me, i got encouraged that i am on the right track to God’s purpose for me and he also mentioned that i should not seek for more light because i don’t really need to but rather it is more important for me to surrender myself completely to God. He also added that the Holy Spirit will remove some things in my life to make me be more complete in Christ.

Actually he hit the main point. I am obsessed with seeking knowledge relating to books on self-help, understanding other people and understanding the word of God better. My interest started since secondary school and i have many self-help and christian books at home. It was till the point that nowadays whenever i go to bookstores and browse the self-help section, i felt that there is no need for me to read or buy any books anymore because it all seems to mention all the same values and principles which i already have at home. I can sense the Holy Spirit telling me at times not to keep going over there because i don’t need it but because it is a habit, so i still end up going to that section and getting bored afterwards.

I have an issue with surrendering myself completely to God. It is not easy. I surrendered majority of my things to God, through praying and entrusting Him with those stuff and letting go. I open up my heart to God on most of my issues relating to people, problems, situations and how i feel. But the issue that i have not really let it go to God is pride. I am still struggling with letting go of everything and letting God lead me in every area of my life. I still want some form of control. I know that letting it go is way more beneficial than trying to be in control myself. But this pride is complicated. It is made up of past hurts, past experiences and knowledge. It is not something that the minute i say i give it up, it will happen. I have to start letting go of my pride one step at a time, one situation at a time.

That is why i sense the Holy Spirit telling me to start giving up on certain activities which are fun but not life-sustaining. And if i want to really obey God, i have to obey God in every area of my life. I felt this internal battle going on inside me because the human me rather do the pleasurable stuff but there is another side of me that wants to obey God. I really want to fulfill God’s call on my life and impact the environment around me in a positive way so i will put down my will for God’s will.

I sense that God wants me to cut down spending time on my entertainment and leisure activities. Its not that i have many in the first place. Usually i will watch kpop stuff, particularly super junior and other smtown groups and also going up onto social media sites. It becomes a habit for me everyday that i find it hard to break. I also like meeting up with friends because i love it but i am going broke at the same time so i have to cut down on it. i will try, by God’s grace because i admit there were times when i choose this over spending time with God.

I sense that God wants me to spend more time training up myself to be more healthy hahaha. Really. He wants me to exercise and eat healthier food like vegetables and carrots and fish. Yes i do think myself that it is important for me if i want to live a long and fruitful life. So i will do that by staying disciplined and not giving in to temptation hahaha.

I also sense that God wants me to spend more time in prayer and worship and talking to Him more instead of just reading the Bible. Usually in the past i just read the bible, understand and apply the principles but not really talking to God on what i am going through in my everyday life. God is a God who loves me and really wants to know how my day has been even though he knows it himself but He wants me to talk to Him like how a best friend will do and share all my ups and downs with Him. Just being completely honest with Him and letting Him giving me guidance in my life, a two-way relationship. I recognize this importance and i will do it because God is a relationship-oriented God and He loves me unconditionally. Also spending time with God, i get more strength and refreshment which help to prevent myself from getting burnout.

For all those things that i mentioned above to happen, i really have to plan a schedule. This internal battle is still going on inside me but i have determined that i will do all those things mentioned above. I will take action.

I hope that my next post will be a post on how my life has been changed from taking all those steps above. It is too early to say whether it will be successful. All i can tell you is i will try!

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