Getting burnt out

Before i start on this topic, i just want to say that my holidays has been really fruitful for me. I thank God for it. The opportunity to catch up with friends i have not met in a while and also being able to indulge in my hobbies freely makes me really happy. A pity holidays are ending and my new semester starts officially next week. But i am only starting on next Friday because of my timetable and i am skipping school for one day to attend the Global Leadership Summit. So i am not really starting school yet šŸ™‚

I feel that i get burnt out pretty easily, especially when i think about all the different things i have to do. I have a tendency to keep thinking of what things i have to get done first before i can really relax. In a way, i won’t procrastinate because i will be bothered by the fact that its not done but i will be pretty stressed out too.

For me to function at my best, it is when i am able to do some things with my utmost concentration. I cannot have nothing to do because i will get really restless and feel that life is meaningless. I cannot have too many things going on either because i cannot focus well. So i need to be able to find that balance and prioritize things around it so that i don’t burn out.

But realistically life will not be so accommodating, in fact it is the opposite. I do rely on God’s grace to get me through most of the time. But sometimes i will suddenly feel depressed for no reason at all. Thoughts like why am i trying so hard will be popping into my head. That is when i realized that I am still stuck in my old habit of trying to do everything on my own strength.

I am trying to let God take the lead but sometimes it is not that i don’t dare to give up control, it is because of the situations and the people in it that leaves me with no choice but to take control. I won’t deny this fact. And also because i am a sensitive person, so i will often take control so that the situation will have a good outcome for all.

It is my overthinking and my sensitivity that will make me burn out, it is not the number of things i have to do. My desire to make sure that everything turns out well is causing me to fall instead. I am not a perfectionist, i just want to make sure everything goes as planned.

So yes i admit that i am still struggling. But i know that as long as i stay close to God, eventually i will get better and better.

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