I dont wish to be negative but…

So another stupid argument occurred in my family last night.

All i wanted was a better logical explanation but instead we all become more and more agitated. I manage to stop myself to prevent it to become really serious but my sister could not take it anymore and so she pushed the button. Which causes my stepmom to move out with my small bro to her mum’s house.

I am so utterly frustrated and upset that it happened like this. But somehow back in my mind i  know one day in my family there will be a big explosion like this that tears my family apart. My dad does not love my stepmom anymore. My stepmom refuses to change and behaves accordingly to how people treats her instead of taking the responsibility of choosing her response. She also held on to past grudges. I try to put up with all the hurts that she throws sometimes whenever arguments occur but i know i also have limitations. That i think one day i will be pushed to the edge and i will take it no longer and i will go crazy. My sister also have the same thoughts as me.

You might ask, can this be saved? I want to tell you that yes i believe because God is still in control. But it is almost impossible honestly because my dad does not love her and he does not expect her to change. He expects us the children to give in to her to prevent big arguments and come to him if the situation is unreasonable. I get his point but when you are right inside the argument, it is sometimes really hard to remain cool when hurtful remarks are thrown at you. Even after the argument, she still mumbles on and on as i try to cool down.

I vented quite a bit on Twitter because i have no other outlet to express to at that point in time. Only 2 friends responded with concern about my situation. I am really upset because i am somehow hoping for a response from the people i wanted comfort from and i get none. Are my problems so difficult that nobody dares to come and offer concern?  I don’t need solutions to my problems, i need comfort. I find myself pathetic at that time because i have always given care and encouragement to my friends in need but i receive none when its my turn.

People rejoice with you when you have good news to share but how many people are willing to be with you when you are down and out?

The almost no response gave me a new perspective. Now i understand why there are so many mentally ill people nowadays. Because people dare to show their happiness but hide their sadness because they think they will be seen by people as weak and get judged. Which is definitely super wrong. And they hide it to the point where they cannot take it any longer and it starts seeping out through physical symptoms like loss of weight or memory.

It is PERFECTLY FINE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE NOT FINE. THAT YOU ARE UPSET BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HUMANS. In fact people respect and love you more as a person because you dare to be honest about your flaws. Don’t you get frustrated yourself when you say you are upset but your friends are somehow blinded to that and talks about something else? But i am not gonna hold grudges for this, no point. Maybe they just cannot handle my negative emotions.

I am really frank because i know that there are many other people out there who experienced the same feelings i did and wishes to speak up about it. Like hey everybody do have their up and down moments, there is no one who is constantly on the up but why why why people only focus on the up and hides their down moments. Pride? Being hurt before? Yeah all these are logical reasons but if you lock yourself in, you will never be happy, you will never recover.

It is by opening up, accepting that it happened and being honest about it that you will gather the strength to move on. I don’t know what is going to happen over the next few days, maybe it would be better, maybe it would be worse. But i will not lock myself in like how i used to in the past. Because being locked in self-pity and sadness is gonna make you a bitter person and that is not who i want to be.


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