Restless

For the past few weeks or so, i have been feeling really restless.

That feeling of not being at peace but not wanting to do anything either. Just being distracted but not focusing on any one of those distractions. It happens when i am home after work and during the weekends when i have nothing on.

I will just play games on my phone or use laptop to get rid of this feeling but well it is not helping much. I do not dare to do QT with God because i will become super distracted like after a few minutes and that is kind of disrespectful.

But i think that is the main reason why i am restless. Because i have been doing everything else except for spending time with God.

Honestly sometimes i struggle with it because i do not really have an organized way of doing it. I just go on how i feel which is not always right. I will read the daily devotional, listen to songs and just pray to God with my mind. I am not even sure if that is enough. Sometimes i just read a little bit or listen to songs a little bit before getting distracted by other stuff.  Everybody worship God in different ways, not all are comfortable with reading the Bible religiously everyday. God did not specify on the exact method to worship Him. I feel like my method is a mixture of a few and i get confused at times.  All i know is when i am spending time with God, i will always give complete attention using my head and heart. But i still fail at times too, like recently.

Recently i have been having this certain sentence in my head that goes,” There is no such thing as perfect parenting.”

When i think about this, i totally agree with it. There are cases where although parents were not doing a good job of raising their kids, their kids still grew up to become really successful adults in terms of character. And there are cases where the scenario goes the other way too.

To me, as long as the parents teaches the right values to their kids in the right manner, that is good enough. For it is up to the kids on whether they want to listen or rebel against it, it is their own decision ultimately.

I think God is telling me to not be placing too much expectations on how i should want my parents to train me up the way i want to and that i shouldn’t be too hard on myself either. Due to some adverse circumstances i went through in the past, i have somehow become a perfectionist and setting unrealistic standards towards myself and on my family.

Yes my parents are not perfect but they still imparted the right values to me and i thank God for them.

It is truly the grace of God that carry all of us into today without any major bad events and I am not so fearful anymore.

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