Expectations

Expectations can be misleading when it is not made explicitly clear to the other party.

My own definition of the word expectations is being able to recognize and meet the other party’s standards by anticipating their needs first.

Common sense is actually uncommon. Just because a certain thought can come so easily to us, we assume that it can come so easily to others and this thought is actually a huge mistake. Especially so when we keep those thoughts to ourselves and judge people based on those expectations. I think it is really unfair if a person is being judged based on those “common sense” expectations that is not made explicitly clear to the other party.

Expectations must be made clear and known for any relationship to go well. Whether it being a family member, friends or even colleagues, communication is vital. Of course not all expectations are reasonable, and that is why communication is even more important. Humans are emotional creatures and it is the little things that truly counts.

We face different type of expectations from different people in whom we have different type of relationships with. It is pretty suffocating to even hear this word but it will not be if the two parties know each other well and communicates openly. When there is open communication and good relationship, the two parties won’t even be bothered by these expectations because they are able to fulfill it without any pressure for it comes out from motivation.

Expectations will definitely be unreasonable if it comes from a person’s selfish motives and bad intentions. Expectations must be based upon principles that are with integrity and love.  We must learn how to recognize what expectations are reasonable and unreasonable and be able to discuss the issue if the expectation is not reasonable  with love and respect towards the other party when necessary.

Unreasonable expectations and unclear expectations are the few major causes of relationship problems today. Therefore COMMUNICATION is really crucial.

Recently i have been reading articles about relationship stuff such as the 7 traits of a happy person, 5 ways you know you have a best friend etc etc. I agree with the points in the article but then i wondered if the article is really being a good influence onto society.

I feel that when a person read all these type of articles, somehow the person will subconsciously begin to remember those points and subconsciously use it to evaluate other person because to him/her, the points seems pretty common sense. The person will somehow start using those points as a guide to measure if the other party is really fulfilling all those common sense points. And if the other party didn’t somehow fulfill some points then the person will feel disappointed and it may negatively impact the relationship. Because right from the start, the person did not realize that he/she subconsciously use those points as a measurement and did not make clear his/her needs or wants to the other person.

As much as these articles looks good from first glance, these articles could prove damaging if the reader is not self aware enough and subconsciously starts using it to evaluate others or even worse evaluate his/her own self worth based on those points. Remember that the people who wrote those articles are imperfect themselves too. Self worth or evaluating a relationship should not be judged based on those outside societal measurements but rather from your own principles and values. Just because a person did not do a certain thing or act a certain way according to the articles, it does not mean that they do not love you or are not your best friend or you are not a happy person etc etc. It is absolutely saddening and miserable if you start comparing everything from your own life and based it on those articles because everybody experiences different things and have different lives.  So my point here is: STOP COMPARING. If you want to find something to compare, compare it against your own principles and values that you be truly authentic and loving towards yourself and others.

Self awareness is extremely important in this chaotic world today. The environment is constantly changing and you cannot be possibly changing yourself in one million ways to fit into this chaotic environment. You have to form your own identity and be true to yourself. Recognize that not all expectations are right and what the society views it as ‘normal’ may not be true as everybody faces different type of problems and have different lives. You should not set your principles based on what the society wants because you will end up miserable as society nowadays are no longer a ‘we’ attitude but a ‘I” attitude. Society in general is selfish. Love and integrity, these two values will never fail.

Sharing those type of articles online on social media does not necessarily mean that everybody will read and follow those points listed in the articles. And those points in the articles may not be even right in the first place, read and examine the points carefully for it may be a cleverly disguised selfish human motive.  Therefore do not trust everything you read. Therefore holding onto the right principles is crucial otherwise you may be placing subconscious expectations on others without you even knowing it. Just read it causally and do not take it seriously.

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