Uncertainty

Having to think of a title can be so frustrating at times because i usually blog without any specific topic in mind.

For the past few days i had been really studying for the three exam papers that will be approaching this coming week. I would say that the effort i had been putting in to study for the past few days is way more then my efforts for the past semester. I just wake up, study, eat, study, bathe, eat, study, sleep. I made notes and read through the lecture notes repeatedly. I am not sure what really went in to my brain. But by today, i just feel so tired when i read through those notes. Study too much i guess?

And when this week ends, i am unofficially out of poly with no fixed plan on what to do after that. I have been thinking and thinking with no actions taken because i am afraid that whatever action i take may be a wrong decision. Study or work first? I still want to pursue social work/ counselling. I have to wait till i am 21 and working part time to study that in SIM. Still unsure if i can wait that long. Or maybe try out by having internship at some non profit organizations? Have not send in any requests for that yet. Hais still so indecisive. I also want to earn money. I have to really come to a decision on my own really soon.

I realize that positive thoughts bring simplicity to one’s life while negative thoughts bring complexity to one’s life.

Meanwhile all i am thinking of doing after exams are really not so practical. Like i want to learn driving, have fun with my friends, learn music and play guitar. All these need money and time. I got time but no money.

All i want from my job is to be really meaningful and that is a difficult one on its own because its so general.

Many of my peers who are graduating also feel a bit lost on what to do. Its like yay i am finally out, but then how i live the rest of my life is my responsibility. Its like i am becoming an adult and i have to start making lifelong decisions. A start of a new phrase of life that brings about uncertainty but excitement also.

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