Control control control

I have been going out of control recently.

Getting frustrated and annoyed easily. Using vulgarities as a form of expression of those emotions.

Those negative emotions mostly come when I’m at home.
Seeing my stepmom shouting and scolding the new maid many times a day. Even though I’m not the one being targeted at, I still feel annoyed over her. But I understand that she is trying to do her best that is why she is like that. So i suppressed my emotions, releasing it would be making the situation worse. Seeing my dad also not doing anything, can see that he is trying to maintain the peace. While my sister and i are trying to run away from all these by looking at our phones. I feel bad for alienating myself and keep staying in my room.
But that the only way I can keep my calm and not say things that i don’t mean.

I’m a clumsy person but I’m not clumsy all the time. It has been occurring more and more frequently these days and i don’t think it’s fine. I think it’s another sign that I’m losing control.

I’m just afraid i lose my sanity to anger or bitterness one day. Being too aware of everything is driving me insane somehow. Cos it’s like I know but I can’t solve it and i feel useless.

I want to release my suppressed emotions. But so far I cannot find the right place and time to vent. It’s even harder also because the emotions are like suppressed for years.

So all I do is just try to breathe. Try not to think. Control control and control.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: