Struggling deep within

I admit i have a lot of bitterness going on inside of me.

Anger toward people who treated me unfairly or hurt me in one way or another.

This bitterness has been slowly built up over the years.

But i believe the main reason is mainly because i do not understand why do i have to get all these treatment when i have done no wrong to them. Or maybe i am angry with God who is allowing these things to happen,

I don’t understand why is my family so dysfunctional and i am in it.

I don’t understand why some friends have to treat me unkindly, betray me or whatever

I don’t understand why i have eczema also.

If i were to combine all these problems together, i would have turned insane already.

So far i have been able to separate thoughts from emotions, being able to think logically, and that is how i moved on. But is that denial? Being able to think without feeling.

I thought i have become emotionally stronger. I did sort of but its not enough. What i successfully do is to create this numbness where i do not feel anything.

Sometimes for no reason, i will feel this anger burning inside me and i do not know why it suddenly appeared.

This anger is bitterness. Bitterness because i knew that nobody would be able to solve all these problems.

And i have to face them myself (which i think that i don’t deserve to go through)

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