Cooling December

December has finally arrived! My favorite month of the year. Since the first day, it has been raining everyday, loving the cooling weather but not loving the rain.

I had been busy with school work the past week. Next Tuesday I will be having two project presentations. Right now i can relax for a bit because i have completed all my parts and i am glad that i have finished it earlier.

I think it is time that i start looking back into my past and made deliberate efforts to resolve certain issues or move on from it. I did not have the courage to actually confront all my dark issues. I thought i had move on but all i did was to lock it away and then whenever something bad happens, it will resurface. Recently i felt that i am sort of losing control, and my dreams have been about myself losing control. Ever since i became more aware of how my dark side is influencing my life, that is when i start losing control.

I just am so painfully aware of how cold i might seem to others. Or rather how i really actually dislike myself.
Or rather how far away i am from God.

Looking back at my posts this year, it must have been really depressing. Actually this blog is just an outlet for me to put my internal struggles down. I should have put down more of my happy moments here also, then it is not that bad actually.

To be able to not complicate the simple and to leave it as it is takes a lot of maturity. To be able to see things from a much more bigger perspective requires open mindedness. To be able to be contented requires a spirit of gratitude. To be able to have confidence in ownself requires self awareness to see one own strength and weakness and use it to his advantage. To help bring out the best in others requires love.

But all in all love is the foundation of everything is long-lasting.

I am learning slowly day by day on applying this and i am afraid too because it requires sacrifice. Hope and Faith drives me on, and most importantly i know God is in control, even if i am not.


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