End November

So right now I’m in church helping out with RGB for a women ministry event. Actually I don’t really have much to do and can join them but I don’t want to. Don’t really like hands on stuff in decoration. Lack of confidence I supposed. 

This morning I woke up at 5 with a sudden jolt because I suddenly remembered that I need to help out in this event. And I have to submit my parts for IB to my friend today. So I on full pressure mode did my work from 5 to 6, and then from 9 plus to 11 plus. Managed to finish half and i got the another half to complete tonight. 
Tomorrow I have to complete another report and revise for a test. Honestly I feel that my time is not used well. I can do something better with it. 
All I wanna do is to help people with their problems, listen and give encouragement. Although I’m an introvert . At least that can make a difference. Or go swimming, reading. 
But I still have not iron out my own issues . I find myself thinking and thinking but not doing anything. I need pressure. Need somebody to just push me to do it. 
Oh Christmas is coming, love the decorations being put up in malls, Christmas songs being played in stores although well there is no snow. But you can feel the festive spirit, the relaxing mood of everybody. Every time when the first signs of Christmas appears, I know that my birthday is coming. I still am excited that my birthday is coming even thought my peers or people in general are not excited about their own birthdays nowadays. The little kid in me still anticipates although there may be actually nothing to look forward for. Well at least I lived on for another year, no matter how much negative thoughts I have, by God grace I did not give up on myself. And I still have the desire to help others, still looking at life with a idealistic outlook. 
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