Uneventful Friday

Today is the second Friday of the new semester in which I have no lessons on.

I’m thankful that I have nothing on, many people will want to be in my position right now. But I get bored easily. Last Friday I was practically dying of boredom.
I need to do something, move around. Not those kind of people who can be glued to their laptops or phones for the whole day. To me, I find it meaningless.
This morning I went to the market with my family. Honestly I feel stupid sometimes because till now I still don’t know how to order food, choose food from the market. I’m not even sure if I step in there in the future. It’s time to grow up and be more independent. Yes to me this is how being independent should be like. Not having to depend on anyone else when you can get those things yourself. 
( okay see how much I think here, back to main topic)
Casting those thoughts aside, I was just having a uneventful morning with my family. Playing with my brother, but got no stamina (feel like I’m turning old already)
I was very sleepy when noon came.
Mainly because my dream was so vivid last night that it took away whatever rest I’m supposed to be getting.
My dreams have been bad recently, not sure what it means, it maybe that I’m over thinking during the day. I was like half asleep for an hour plus. 
There is a reason why I hate to be bored, because I will start thinking deeply about everything. And then I start uncovering every flaw and then I be blaming myself for not being able to be better. Of course this is not happening all the time if not i go crazy already. I just tell everything to God and not worry. 
Recently I keep seeing linkages between events or situations that is unexpected and I believe God is behind this. It surprises me in a good way also and it seems to give me hints. (Honestly, God, you really want me to go back there?) I have been making deliberate efforts to run away and then this sort of situations happens. 
Sometimes i honestly lack faith in myself.
I wonder is it possible that I have the courage to do it, the love to overcome all those obstacles. This situation I’m facing is not something normal. It is big, really. Because I know there is something wrong, I have the responsibility to change it ( honestly I wish I didn’t know that) 
It is either going down as a biggest miracle for me or the biggest letdown and I definitely cannot let it fail. 
So God, help me, guide me, lead me, because I don’t think I can do it all by myself.  

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