Internship is ending!

9 weeks of Internship is coming to an end this Friday.

I am happy about it because i am finally heading back to school or rather a more flexible schedule in my life. My internship has been a mostly wonderful experience. I learnt many things that is really relevant to my future career if i pursue in HR and even though i do get scolded for my mistakes sometimes, that is where i grow.

Would HR be my future career? Most probably. I am thinking of doing HR in a non profit sector. Not those big companies. I need to find a company whose values and mission is what i believe in too. If not i will find it meaningless and have no passion towards my job.

Nowadays i have become more honest and open up myself more to people that i really trust. Actually i do not have any deep dark secrets. So letting people know more about me is not really that much of an issue. Maybe it is if they use it to manipulate me. But i know my conscience is clear, and if i do get tricked. Well i definitely be hurt and stuff but i know that on my side, i did not fail the person.

I am kind of like an open book. My emotions can be seen clearly mostly. I am never contented with myself, always searching for ways to be better. Maybe because i am the eldest in my family, and having other duties like being a good friend, a good worker. Basically giving the best in all my different roles. So i feel like i cannot relax. I want to be a child again, not knowing that these things exist. Its like a heavy rock that i have to carry and i dont feel like telling anyone about it.

Why is that so? Because firstly i dont want to sound so whiny and burden my friends. Secondly when i am with my friends, i just want to focus on that moment and not on other things.

Yes i do feel alone and so i turn to God. But even so i would still want to find somebody who i can freely share my thoughts with. Not just the good stuff but my worries too. Somebody who would give me good advice and truly understand me for who i am. But it is so hard to find a friend like that.

Friendships. I used to place a great emphasis on that because that the only place i can run to for comfort, for fun, for encouragement. I still put in 100% effort in my friendships however i have learnt to expect less. I cannot expect someone to give me the same level of intensity that i have put in for them. Ever since 2011, i have not found a best friend to confide in. Sure i have good friends, friends that i known since i was young. But not close enough to just contact everyday or find them the minute i feel so down.

I do wanna see myself from another person’s point of view. Then maybe i get to understand why certain things happened.

I force myself to achieve better because i dont want to let my current circumstances stop me from getting what i want. I look up to those who triumph over their circumstances. I know its possible.

Deep down i just want to find somebody that i can freely trust and open up to and more importantly for the person to open up freely to me too. I dont want a one sided friendship where i keep opening up, but i am unable to get the person to do the same back to me. I want to support and help as well.
Praying to God to send me the right person.

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