Whirlwind of emotions

When I fall, I have to pick myself up. I cannot expect people to help me because I have to be independant. My last few posts are of me exposing my vulnerability. However it is not really weakness because I’m a human after all. This is my outlet.

One of the hardest truth I have to accept in life is that people come and go. I cannot accept it as once i let a person get close to me, I cannot let go. Because I am spending my effort getting to know the person as well and am exposing my vulnerability.

But it happens mostly as I am growing up. Relationships are so fragile. Nobody can truly say they accept another person completely for who they are. Everything is judged based on world standards. So it’s hard to have a ideal relationship of any kind.

Must people be complicated and scheming to succeed? I cannot accept this though.
Must we fight each other just for that one victory spot? Yeah I am thinking too idealistic and that how I get disappointed.

It’s not easy to walk past people whom I am once close to and barely greeting each other. Really awkward. Saying hi is weird and not greeting is seen as arrogant. Every time when people leave me, I am emotionally scarred. Because I feel like I’m a failure in relationships. I’m not wonderful enough. Insecure thoughts come into my mind.

As much as I’m seen as independant, calm and cool by many people, I’m not totally 100% that. I need people to support and guide me. I feel emotions deeply and I am intuitive at times. All those emotions that are dwelling inside me sometimes exhaust me.

I should be more grateful that I still got my family, a roof over my head. I must really force motivate myself. So far I have make some new good friends. I try my best to be a better friend. I do my part to create a better tomorrow for myself. Have faith in God.


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