Semester 2 year 2 of poly is starting!

Tomorrow i am starting a new semester with new modules, environment and people.
I am just gonna keep it easy and just flow with whatever i am going to do.
No expectations.

This holiday has actually gave me lots of personal time to myself. I get to enjoy being alone and being truly myself. i do not have any pressuring tasks to do and so i can relax. But sometimes the agony of doing nothing actually pressures me more instead as i am constantly thinking. My mind is never at rest.

I do wish sometimes that there is a button to keep my mind at ease as i am always analysing all the time. Sometimes over analysing till i see all the imperfections and i cannot appreciate the treasures in front of me. Keep looking back at certain situations and how i could have make it better or stuff. Stupid and foolish, i know. That is one of my weakness: not being able to move on especially in relationships with people. Because i care too much but express yet too little.

Sometimes i dislike myself for not being so openly affectionate towards others. I am just like a person on standby, if they encounter problems then i will quietly help. If not i will just step back. Its so easy to get taken advantage off but i mean it with sincerity. But then nowadays the world is much more greedy, sincerity is not enough.

So this time round, i will still put in sincerity but if i sense that its being made use, i just stop. I always held this naive belief that even if people use it for their own advantage, they will still somehow appreciate it but i have been proven wrong countless times.

It is already terrible enough that i cannot open up fully and be myself to people except whom i am really close to because of my INFJ personality.
I am attempting to be better through sincerity but then again i cannot please anyone.

My worst enemy is myself. My emotions are constantly on a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes too high and sometimes too low.

How would i call it? I have no idea.

Anyway i can keep it under control, there is a brain there for that purpose. Just stay cool!


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