Why so serious?

I have given up finding a job because there is not much time left. I do want earn money but other type of jobs such as retail needs me to commit weekend which I am not willing.

And so I am stuck at home, doing nothing. I went to the library to borrow books so that I won’t be bored. And I guess this will be what I be doing till school reopen.

Most of my friends are busy working so I have to wait till oct before I can go out but it’s all right.

Just that I tend to over think things when I’m alone. Trying to not think of the past but I cannot because I keep reflecting on it. I believe that most people see me as a serious and kinda moody person. And then I give people the negative feeling sometimes.

Happiness, anger, hatred are all but temporal. Maybe it’s the environment that I am brought up in, that I know that to get something, I must earn something. There is a price to pay. Although I know that God loves me and I firmly believe in His existence but I’m a human after all. Many things I have to do it by myself.

I just cannot go with the flow of life and be happy go lucky because I know that everything is temporal. One day I might be happy, next day I might be sad and the logical me will try to reason why it is so and thus over thinking happens.

Sometimes it’s a good thing, I think before I act. My decisions are made out carefully most of the time. Particularly in dealing with people. I don’t aim to please people but at least to live in peace with them. Sometimes I let my anger get the better out of me but I need it because I’m human. I cannot be not angry.

I’m not even 18 yet but I sound like I’m about to die. I know that fully well but I guess it’s because many things that I have is I pressed myself to do it. Self
Motivation. I force myself to forgive people for I’m not that perfect either. I f make myself nicer to people because i don’t like seeing others unhappy. But I cannot force myself to change my principles for people’s sake. That where the difference lies.

I think i should stop my thoughts before I get too in depth and just depress myself .

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