Childish thoughts

Sometimes there are these thoughts coursing through my head whenever i feel edgy.

I am almost turning 18 but yet i have a study timetable. Typically i have to study from 9 am to 11.30am in the morning, 2.30pm to 5pm and 8 to 9pm at night. No life right? And i have only one hour to access the internet every day which i must seek parental consent.
This was implemented since i was 10 years old.
My dad have this view that quantity is better then quality when it comes to studies.
I debated/discussed/argued with him many times in the past but it was futile. Since he has the authority and i have none.
I used to become rebellious before but it does not help me at all.
So i am no longer doing anything, i am just numb.
Because i think that there is no point since even i have no timetable, there will not be any difference.

I do not study at all most of the time. I just daydream, listen to music, sleep, read books.
I do study when i need to and i am motivated to.
Not motivated by study timetable but out of my own accord, where i aim to improve myself.
So there is not much difference even if i have none. Besides i only get to only use one hour of computer everyday.

Yes i can ask, with my good results for more freedom. But i am just tired/scared to ask because i lack the faith that it will be granted. No hope at all. Whenever i hear the word’study time” , it just makes me feel like i have no life.

I know that i am sounding foolish here, but sometimes i feel this way. Its not easy to see the good intentions behind it when the difference between me and my peers is so big.

But i am grateful for it for only one thing:  It force myself to become more motivated, it keeps my life more simple and carefree since i am not going out much and i do not face many problems as compared to my peers.

Honestly i do not know when i can stop but till then i will try to not treat it like it is malfunctioning my life.
After all i am still a child at heart. But i know that i am becoming a young adult and i can control my mind and the way i live.


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