harta

I just feel like bashing something now…..Thank God for this blog otherwise i would not have any outlet to express myself. And i would feel the intense pain of wanting to pour out but could not…this feeling is so painful..

Whenever i think of my handphone, The pain just comes back. The pain of knowing that your own handphone would be there if you have not broken a simple rule. Now i need to complete my sec 2 geography assessment book if i want to get back. But now with my life being so busy……HOW? Oh my, i just could shed tears over it. Sorry for writing until so sad…but now i am really moody..

Today i went back to school..lessons were normal. I got back my history test results 10/15, not so bad highest is only 11/15. Chinese lesson, have a spelling test…i am prepared to get lower marks than my previous test, did not really study as i was busy with my other homework. Biology was fine..a bit confused with the map reading. Finally social studies…have a  open book test..easy..

I can cope with my subjects which is a huge relief for me as i intially thought i could not. But in school there is this particular person who bring some pressure to me in friendship. I do not want to mention her but no matter what, this got to be solved…she is shimin. Last year we undergo a very severe test of our friendship and managed to reconcile back. I really want to get our friendship to the same state as it was in the beginning but it was impossible. People have changed including their views. I know that the scars will always be there.

In friendship, after you know a friend for a while..suddenly their flaws will emerge..and you have to accept it cause everyone else have their own flaws. You will also ask your friend to change certain things ..to be better. But you will start to hate it if your friend continue to persist in their flaws. I will never understand her. Everytime she turns cold to me, i try to find out why and then try to improve it. After i improve it, she finds another reason to be cold and i will be left thinking again. Since Sec 1, it has been like that ..and frustration builds up in me. Am i that bad? I ask myself…..i constantly assess myself based on her views. Why must i change for her? Then as time passes by i found out why…i need a close friend..a friend who could understand me.

I found one which is a blessing . Now my friendship with shimin is like nothing… i did not talk a single thing to her today. Not because of quarrels(that is what everyone always think) but i simply got nothing to say. I do not want to tire myself out trying to change for her all the time. I cannot make everyone happy..at most live in peace…

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